Aunt's Advice To Her Niece To Pursue A Career In Medicine So She Can Live A Good Life Sparked A Career Vs. Passion Debate
The stereotype of Asians being intelligent is played out but founded in truth. As an Asian myself, I can attest to how parents put an emphasis on the importance of education.
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They don't tolerate mediocre grades from their children and put pressure on them to focus on their studies. Some kids who grew up in this type of environment thrive as adults, while others refuse to chase careers in competitive industries because they've absolutely been burnt out.
This Redditor's Vietnamese family fits that stereotype perfectly. Their parents immigrated to the US and instilled the importance of education in their children.
OP resented her parents growing up. They dictated every aspect of their lives, including their choices for extracurricular activities.
Anything that won't look good on their college application wasn't considered, while tutoring and music were non-negotiables. OP told her parents how she felt about the pressure they put on her, but they always replied that she would thank them one day.
It all paid off; after all, OP is now a surgeon, while her siblings are all successful in their fields. They have high-paying jobs, and their sibling, who earns the least as a supervising pharmacist, rakes in $160,000 annually.
OP reluctantly admits that her parents' way of raising them was right. One of OP's sisters is a partner in her firm and makes at least $500,000 a year, but her husband, Bill, brings in $50,000 annually as a chef.
They were all gathered at the parents' house for Christmas when one of OP's nieces asked her for career advice
The niece told OP that her parents are pushing her to go into the medical field but she really wanted to be a teacher
She said she feels the pressure to study too much and doesn't feel like she's enjoying her school life with friends
OP empathized with her and said she went through the exact same thing but reaffirmed that the kid's parents are not wrong. She told her niece that a career in teaching won't give her the life she is accustomed to.
Bill overheard them and told their niece that she should follow her dreams because money doesn't always provide happiness
Bill said he earns about as much as a teacher and lives a great life. OP got annoyed with him for chiming in and replied that the only reason that Bill has a great life is that her sister earns 10x more than he does.
OP told her niece that unless she wants to live off of someone else's dime, she needs to make her own money. Bill's feelings got hurt and OP's sister confronted her.
She wants OP to apologize for what she said but OP doesn't think that saying the truth is wrong. Her sister is refusing to attend the New Year's celebration that OP is hosting.
A commenter from a similar background said that it's great that this kind of upbringing worked for OP but it's not the case for everyone else. Bill was simply voicing his opinion which will help their niece make an informed decision as to her future.
A commenter said that OP's personal attack on her BIL was uncalled for. He was simply giving his niece another perspective after OP gave him money-centric advice.
At the same time, neither of their opinions is inherently bad but it all boils down to what the niece's personal definition of success is
Soon enough, debates about money and passion were starting in the comments section
OP was saying what she thought was true based on her own experience but so was Bill. They both had good intentions but their opinions are limited to what they have experienced personally.
You can't really say that Bill doesn't work hard. He doesn't earn as much as his wife but it doesn't mean he works any less.
This expectation is so toxic but still prevalent in Asian-American families.
It's ironic that OP thinks her BIL was being nosy when did the same thing commenting about their marriage & finances
Will OP continue what her parents did and force the young generation in their family to choose high-paying jobs?
Someone pointed out that OP should know better as a doctor not to advice someone to go into medicine if they are not passionate about it
Redditors couldn't come into a consensus about who is the real a**hole
It could be that both of them suck. OP for her personal attack on her BIL and Bill for misrepresenting why he can afford to live a good life.
At the same time, Bill could have been talking about happiness that doesn't come from money
Someone from an Asian background recalled their own similar upbringing and choosing to follow their passion anyway, and then thriving because of it
OP was wrong to equate her BIL's value to the amount of money he makes. The problem also is that teachers are not nearly paid enough in this country. That's the real problem.
OP obviously doesn't respect her BIL because she was raised to believe that person's inherent worth is based off of the money they make and the career they chose
OP can't see it, but she's basically telling her niece that she won't be respected in their family if she doesn't make money in the 6-figure range. Practically speaking, OP has a pragmatic view of life thanks to how she was raised.
Her point of view is narrowed and based on her post, it's not changing anytime soon. We all deserve a living wage, no matter the career we choose — that's the real conversation.