30 Things Women Wish Their Dads Knew About Girls When They Were Growing Up
Father/daughter relationships are usually one of the closest you’d ever find.
[ ADVERTISEMENT ]
More than the father/daughter dances and walking down the aisle, a daughter’s relationship with her father is one of the most impactful relationships she will ever have.
The relationship between a daughter and her father can significantly influence her psychological growth. Research shows that girls grow up with a positive sense of who they are when their fathers are present in the lives of their daughters.
Further studies also show that girls have a better sense of their goals in life and are more self-confident when they have a good relationship with their fathers.
It’s also common to find women with excellent relationships with their fathers enjoying better romantic relationships because they look for men like their fathers to get involved with.
In the same vein, a father’s absence in his daughter’s life can lead to difficulty in her mental and emotional growth and difficulty in maintaining stable relationships.
However, even great father-daughter relationships can experience some complications, and one Redditor was interested in uncovering them.
OP asked on the Ask Reddit community, “Daughters of Reddit, what is something you wish your father knew about girls when you were growing up?”
Many people responded, and we’ve compiled some of the most interesting ones we could find. Check them out below!
1. It doesn't make you look weak to show affection once in a while
My dad hardly ever hugged us or said he loved us.
2. How to put hair in pony tails/brush long hair in general.
Also, to include the daughter in stereotypically-male housework. I can cook and load a dishwasher like my life depends on it, but I can't do any sort of maintenance like putting up a picture frame or unclogging a sink.
3. Treating every boy interested in your daughter as your enemy does both of you a disservice.
My dad was very over-protective. Any time a boy had a crush on me, he would be immediately added to my dad's shitlist. Even if he was perfectly kind and respectful.
After a certain point, I just stopped listening to my dad's complaints. In my eyes, he had lost the right to give input about my relationships.
Unfortunately, when I was 17 I became entangled in an abusive relationship.
My dad hated the guy. But since he also hated every one of my previous suitors, I didn't interpret his concerns as legitimate.
On top of that: since he was so busy trying to *prevent* me from having relationships, he never talked to me about what a healthy relationship looks like.
4. Believe your daughter about her own lived experiences, even if you didn't witness them yourself.
If your daughter grows up hearing you talking about how your mother and sister were *clearly* overreacting when they said your childhood neighbour was creepy - because, after all, he was always perfectly decent to you - your daughter is not going to go to you when your own neighbour is creepy to her when you're not around.
5. This post isn't going to be things I wish he knew, but more things he did that were awesome when I was growing
My dad never hesitated to do "girly" things with me. He was the one who took me school shopping (we would often hit Starbucks and then pick up chocolate covered strawberries afterwards). He would fix my hair for school and paint my nails for me.
I remember wanting a head full of tiny braids (this was the 90s) and he spent hours of his Saturday afternoon braiding. We played with Barbies and he actually came up with storylines for them and put effort into it. On the other hand, he also never kept me from doing "tomboy" things. I raised baby calves, helped him wash cars, and worked on the lawnmower.
When I was little we had "Daddy-Daughter" dates where we would go to Chuck-E-Cheese or mini-golfing. When I was in middle school and high school we would go to the pool together and lay out and talk. A few years ago we got tickets to see Miley Cyrus' Bangerz tour and got drunk together and had the best time.
He was always patient with anything regarding my self-esteem. He helped me lose weight when I was in middle school and waited for hours for me to get ready before we went somewhere, and never, ever commented on anything other than to compliment me.
The biggest thing I think that he did (and still does) is to encourage my independence. He helped me through school and constantly reminds me that I am a strong woman and that I don't ever have to get married if I don't want to (my mother used to put a lot of pressure on me to "settle down"). He is my friend along with being my dad. I'm forever thankful for him.
I truly am incredibly lucky to have him and I recognize that. I already tell him how much I appreciate him all the time and my first big tattoo was a portrait of us together but I think he will really love seeing this! Also, to all the dads who have commented saying they hope they can be like my dad - if you try to be, you will be! He put effort into our relationship and that's what matters. :)
6. That girls are not delicate little creatures who can't do anything.
I always wanted to be an auto mechanic and help work on cars and he'd never let me. He told me girls can't do "man jobs" because they cause drama on the jobsites when all the guys are worried about sleeping with them.
Now I am always having car trouble and have to pay out the a*s to get a mechanic to fix simple things because he wouldn't just show me how to fix it.
Edited to add that I grew up before the internet. YouTube IS awesome now but there's something really intimidating for me about even trying now just because of the attitude I faced being a girl in my house.
7. I am 100% capable of forming and voicing my own opinion.
8. Our standards of how we expect to be treated by men come from how you treat our mothers.
Show her kindness, we will expect kindness. Treat her like s**t and we assume being treated like s**t is normal.
9. Unwanted sexual attention from grown men doesn't always come from strangers. It comes from "family friends" too.
Pay attention to your friends' behaviors and comments around your kids.
My dad cut off a longtime friend after catching him leering at me in a bathing suit at a pool party when I was only 12.
10. Put your children first before your new spouse
Your children are always more important than your second or third wife.
11. The things you say and the way you treat her can leave a lasting impression on your daughter.
I was a latchkey kid in an Asian household filled with cheap convenience foods (3 for $1 hotdog baos, Chinese crackers, etc) and lack of income for things to do outside of watching TV at home. So, I grew up overweight and uninformed about healthy lifestyle habits.
Since tween-hood, my dad was constantly on me about my body and bluntly laid it out that I would never find a boyfriend. If he saw me in a t-shirt or shorts, he’d comment on how big my arms/thighs looked. I’m now in my late 20s and still refuse to wear tanks/short sleeves/skirts/dresses/shorts because of that idea that has been ingrained in my thought process. The link between being fat and being single still has a huge presence in my mind.
My dad passed away last year from his own struggles with his health (cancer, diabetes, hypertension). Since then, I’ve made my own lifestyle changes and went to therapy. I am about halfway to my weight end goal and I’ve discovered a love for hiking, spin classes, and yoga. But trying to build up self esteem through reframing of things and positive self-talk has been the hardest struggle of all.
12. If your daughter wants to take pictures of you, or especially with you, let them.
My dad died when I was 13 years old and then I realized that all of his hiding from the camera meant I was left with only a handful of photos and he wasn't in any of our home videos. You don't realize how important they can be until you aren't able to make new ones
13. Don't make your daughter feel bad for going through puberty.
My dad made me feel so humiliated when I first started my periods and also made me feel like young going through puberty, growing breasts and having hair down there was something that should only be for adults and somehow I was growing up way before I should have.
14. If you want someone to respect you, you have to go first.
My folks (especially my dad) would patiently explain how my feelings and desires were silly, because they didn't share them: but expect me to prioritize their feelings and desires even though I didn't share them. If you want her to be polite to your boring friends, be polite to hers. If you don't want her wearing a lip ring to the company picnic, don't wear socks with Crocs when you pick her up at school. If you're poor and she has to wear hand-me-down clothes, dress yourself out of the thrift shop.
15. Don't just assume your daughter won't be interested in your activities because they aren't stereotypically girly or because once as a small child, she didn't want to do it.
Not wanting, say, go hiking or fishing when I was 5 years old doesn't mean I never ever want to do it. Keep trying to get your kids involved in your life and don't just give up. You're teaching them not to share things about themselves and losing the chance to bond over something you love.
16. Every dad should take note of these 5 things
17. Not every instance of anger or sadness on my part was because "it must be that time of the month."
My dad is a great guy all around, but used to bring that up (even jokingly) waaaay too often.
18. When you do something wrong, apologize.
Don't just try to ignore what we just fought about and try to be our friend 15 minutes later. When you try to ignore our problem, it hurts us. It makes us angry. We won't want to be friends.
My friends and I have almost all had this issue with our dads. The worst thing, though, is when you try to have someone else apologize fix things for you. My dad has asked me to be this middleman for my younger sister, my friend has been asked by her dad, and some others have mentioned their dad sending in their mom. It doesn't make things better, and a lot of the time, makes that middleman lose respect for you.
Respect us as people and apologize to us.
19. When your daughter is going through puberty and starts getting her period, *don't* write off the things she's going through.
There's all sorts of new hormones swirling around in there, and they're gonna affect her mood. She's getting periods, they're probably gonna hurt. Being in pain makes you grumpy, but don't write off every instance of anger or bad temper as being 'because you're on your period'. Maybe her mom doesn't get bad ones, maybe you've never thought about it because your wife is a grown woman who has learned to deal with her periods and the assorted mood swings and pains and moved on; your daughter hasn't yet. Be a little more thoughtful, help teach her ways to manage what she's feeling.
If she's in a lot of pain, and it doesn't change after a while, take her to a doctor. Maybe nothing's wrong and she got s**t luck, but she could have endometriosis or cystic ovaries. Stick up for her at the doctor - lots of women have trouble finding doctors who will listen to them about their pain, and it's very hard to advocate for yourself when you're only 14 and throwing up from pain.
20. I wished he knew girls could like girls and it was ok.
That would have made my coming out story less dramatic.
21. That if you say your eight year old is “too chubby” to wear something that is going to stick in her brain forever.
Choose your words wisely and realize that not only the super skinny child had worth.
22. It is best to have a personal bond with your daughter, a hobby or activity that’s the two of you -no matter how small,
When our outdoor cats would get ticks I quickly alerted my father and we removed them. For him a chore and for me the one thing that was *us doing something together*.
23. That we can be very sensitive about our bodies/looks once we become aware of them.
24. The way you treat and talk about women affects me.
25. Masculinity does not equal strength and maturity, and femininity does not equal weakness and gullibility
Disclaimer: I love my dad, we have a great relationship, he has always believed in my abilities at the end of the day.
That when you let your 10 year old son have more freedom to ride bikes far from home, go to the store alone, and take risks than your 13 year old daughter for no other reason than her gender, she's going to be PISSED and spend the next 10 years rejecting all things feminine because you have convinced her that to be female means to be weak and vulnerable.
Masculinity does not equal strength and maturity, and femininity does not equal weakness and gullibility. It took a long time, but he recognizes that now.
26. I'd rather have had a dad who was *there*, than a dad who was successful and a workaholic.
When your dad is gone, you remember the silly little things: the bedtime stories he told you, playing with you on the beach, having ice cream together.
Be a father who is present in your daughter's life. Play with her when she's small. Tell her stories. When she's older, listen to her. Take an interest in her interests even if they sound silly. Take an interest in her life in general.
That's all anyone can ask.
27. That telling me "it's just in your head" anytime I felt *anything* other than happy as a clam, would make me grow up with anxiety and trust issues
Just a side note to all you guys out there who have a problem with this- girls are allowed to feel anyway they want at any particular time, just like you. We do not exist to be your personal rays of sunshine. We are human too.
28. That we take everything he says to heart and he has to be kind.
His words can leave deep wounds that stay with her for a lifetime.
29. I wish he understood that depression is an illness.
He spent years angry with me and thinking I was just spoiled. It wasn't til I was in college that he realized I wasn't just a drama queen, I was actually sick and needed medication. That realization has done wonders for our relationship.
30. Now that I’m an adult I realize just how wonderful my father really is.
He taught us children the hard life lessons while still protecting us. He taught us to be self sufficient and independent. He taught us to work hard and don’t give up just because things get challenging. He busted his a*s to make sure we got to go on vacation and experience life.
He taught me to hunt, fish, and fix a car. He also taught me to garden and grow my own vegetables. How to take care of livestock and other animals with compassion.
However, he also treated me more like a son than a daughter. I only wish that my father would’ve acknowledged that I’m a girl and it’s okay for me to like dressing up and that it’s okay to “throw like a girl”. Granted, I got a full ride to college for sports and that’s partly because I had to hang with the boys and my dad didn’t want me to be a great female player but just a great player in general.
I think he messed me up only in the sense that it’s extremely difficult for me to date. I’m either too intimidating to strangers or “one of the boys” to people I know. I think I lost my feminine side because I am so close to my dad and he was slightly dismissive of my emotional side. I had to be tough and stoic.
I suppose I shouldn’t complain; I just feel like if my dad were less of a hard a*s and treated me more like a daughter than a son I would fit in more. Maybe be able to get a date instead of always just being a “bro”. That being said I am thankful for the life skills he provided and the protective eye he still has watching over his baby girl. [26yo F]
Edit: news update; got a lot of confidence from all the positivity and now I’ve got a date coming up with a guy who doesn’t know me or my “bros” and I get to make an actual first impression without being seen as one of the boys beforehand. Wish me luck! He seems kind and intelligent; I’m really excited to see what happens! Even if it’s a flop it’s a good step out of my passive ways!
From this thread, it’s evident how vital father/daughter relationships are. Thankfully, some women here had nothing but praise for their fathers.
Fortunately for other fathers or men who one day hope to be fathers, they have a blueprint right here
Do you have anything you wish your dad had known about you while you were growing up? Don’t hesitate to share it with us in the comments below!