There are two different kinds of parents in this world, the ones who do exactly like the previous generations before them, and the ones that want to end cycles to do things differently (usually, for the better.)
It's not that previous generations of parents had it all wrong, it's just that with time we've learned a lot of things that were once the standard in parenting are no longer safe or recommended.
Sometimes the easiest way to see that it's time to do things differently with your own kids is when you realize how sometimes the way you were raised shaped you in the worst ways.
These Reddit users chimed in to discuss what their parents did that they definitely will not be doing.
“Guilt trips. All the damn guilt trips.
I hate my mom for trying to guilt rip me so much. She does it so much that I can tell when she is about to so I can point it out which makes her guilt trip me on accusing her of guilt tripping me.
It’s a vicious cycle.”
“My parents taught me not to share my feelings.
It has taken me a long time to be able to do this.
I dont’ want my kids hiding their feelings.”
“That parents don’t have to apologize if they are wrong because they are parents. I grew up in a big family and many times one sibling would be blamed for another sibling’s action (both by parents or other siblings).
If I yelled at sibling A for something sibling B did, I would be made to apologize to sibling A. If my mom yelled at me for something sibling A did, after everything was sorted I’d ask “Are you going to apologize to me now?” and she would said “I don’t have to, I’m the adult.”
I have kids of my own now and if I do something wrong, I apologize.”
“I would never compare my kids to other kids.
Not only did it make me feel sh*tty back then, its made me unnecessarily competitive now and I seem to compare every little thing of mine with other peoples’.”
“Never allowing me to tell my side of the story.
When I was getting in trouble most of the time it was my fault or something I could have done about it. But there were times that there was an honest explanation that would have explained the situation and it was always “talking back”.
Just give me a freaking second.”
““There’s no reason to be stressed”
Everyone gets stressed whether it’s something big and life changing or small and inconvenient. Growing up my sister and I always heard “you shouldn’t be stressed about this.
This isn’t a big thing to stress over” and stuff like that. Instead of being taught to manage our stress, we’ve learned to hide it and bottle it up so our parents wouldn’t think we’re dramatic or something.
Instead of teaching kids to “not be stressed” I’d teach them how to manage stress in healthy ways so they can eliminate it or be able to navigate through it easily.”
“To be afraid of them.
My dad was very extreme in his punishments, looking back his reactions were unreasonable.
He’s still unreasonable now.
We live under the same roof yet I barely talk to him.”
“To be overly critical of my own body.
My mom is otherwise wonderful but very insecure about her weight (she’s not overweight at all). I often got comments like “those jeans look cute but don’t gain 5 lbs” and lectures about how I can’t go out around other people without makeup because “what will people think?”
But its unfortunate because she genuinely believes people are judging her that much. She apologizes every time we video chat if she hasn’t put on makeup yet.”
“To never question authority/your elders.
If a person isn’t curious and doesn’t think by themselves about reality, they are only a shell of a human and will never fully live their own life.
And it’s a tough thing to learn later in life.”
“Never say a word if someone hurts you.
Never object, never protest and if you cry that is your weakness coming through. Don’t cry.
If you speak out when you are attacked you will be attacked twice as hard.
Silence is the only way through to safety.
Say nothing. No matter what.
This advice really, really f*cked me over.”
“I was always a tomboy growing up but my mom and grandma were very persistent on trying to raise me based off of crazy Asian beauty standards and being a proper girl.
Wouldn’t let me play outside because they didn’t want me to be dark, always forcing me to wear clothes I wasn’t comfortable in, making sure I didn’t play with my male cousins’ games or toys even though I hated playing with dolls.
I honestly think they were afraid I might be lesbian or undesirable to men. 30+ years later they complain that I’m old and worry I’m not married with kids.
It’s because they left me with extreme low self esteem and self confidence which lead me to make horrible choices in relationships.”
“My parents were unconditionally supportive.
Everything I did was the best and perfect and I was a genius.
I will be giving my daughter constructive criticism, because that is how we get better at things.”
“That crying to them will make things worse, not better.
My parents still tell me that only weak people cry.
Not a huge crier, but it does mess up your ability to process emotions.”
“If a boy is mean to you, he likes you.
“That my emotions are their fault.
Growing up my mom would get frustrated with me and then lash out. She would then say something like “I yell because you’re making me so angry!”
No, was just a kid doing kid sh*t, you yelled because you’re not in control of your emotions.
I’ve caught my mom doing this sh*t with my daughter and I call her out on it,you can’t put that sh*t on a kid. I let my daughter know that what she did may have been unkind, or need correcting, but she is not responsible for the emotions of the adults around her.”