Busy Battling Exes Overlook Harm To Their Son, Redditors Step In With Reality Check
A separated couple's determination to outdo each other prevented them from effectively co-parenting their 14-year-old son, Ethan. They haven't recognized that their refusal to find a compromise puts their son in between their tense relationship.
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Their confusing messages about who should pick up and drop off Ethan from one home to another displayed how fragile their setup is. Their arrangement was her ex-husband dropped Ethan off at OP's place around 7 p.m. after his stay at his house.
Her ex suddenly changed the arrangement and said OP now has to pick Ethan up from his place at 7 p.m. on the dot. He gave no explanation or reason for the abrupt change to their schedule.
OP got ahold of Ethan during his class to inform him of their new arrangement. She said that since his Papa couldn't drop him off at her house anymore, he had to take the bus back to her house every Monday.
She would meet him at the bus stop and could walk home together. Ethan seemed fine with their new arrangement, while OP and her ex-husband exchanged passive-aggressive messages about Ethan taking the bus.
A few hours later, OP got a message from her ex that said Ethan was at his house waiting for her to pick him up at 7 p.m. Ethan also messaged OP to say he was uncomfortable taking public transport and wasn't willing to walk back to OP's house.
Ethan politely told OP that if she didn't pick him up that night, he would spend another night at his dad's house and see OP the following day.
Almost 30 minutes past 7, Ethan asked OP where she was.
OP told her son that he made his choice and that they would see each other the next day.
Their agreement has worked for them since March of last year.
OP suspects that her ex changed the routine all of a sudden because they are awaiting judgment about child support.
It's a great way to let your kid know they can't rely on you.
OP and her ex are too busy bickering to notice how badly their actions impact their teenage son.
They are so busy trying to score a point against each other that they deliberately neglect to make the best choices for their child.
Poor Ethan is collateral damage to his parents. No kid should have to be wounded from the broken pieces of their parent's marriage.
According to OP and her former spouse, it's more important to out-stubborn the ex.
If they can manage to get their heads out of their behinds even for a few seconds, they should do what is best for their son.
Power play or not, these two should be mature enough to rise above the baits they lay for each other to focus on what's important — their son.
They should be ashamed for using their kid as a pawn in their game.
They are hurting him and making him feel unloved and unsupported.
All they are doing is ensuring that their son has a lifetime subscription to a therapist.
OP asked if she was the a**hole for not picking her son up from her ex's place. The answer was a resounding "Yes," and then some.
OP was lectured by everyone wise enough to see beyond their petty fights to see how neglected their son has been. OP should take comfort in the fact that she and her ex-husband are the same kind of a**holes to their son, who is the true victim in their messed up relationship.