Sibling Outraged After Discovering Mother Lied About Handling Of Young Sister's Ashes
A Redditor was blinded with rage when they found out what was done to their younger sister's ashes. OP, their brother, and their father have all worn or carried necklaces for the past four years believing they contained some of their loved one's ashes.
OP's 14-year-old sister died unexpectedly because of an accident four years ago. The death sent shockwaves through their family.
OP and their mom were having a conversation over drinks about how people spoke about coping with "firsts" after someone's death. Her tongue probably loosened from the alcohol, OP's mom admitted that the ashes in the necklaces were from burnt wood.
Their sister's remains were poured out into an empty grave OP's mom and her husband bought for themselves. OP's anger rose like venom, and it confused their mom.
Their mom reasoned that the sentiment and emotion behind the necklaces were more important than the material itself. OP was angered that they were lied to for four years.
OP felt deceived that their grief and every other emotion they felt were poured out on a random wood's ashes. Beyond that, they couldn't believe their mom scattered their sister's remains on a plot that meant nothing to her.
OP yelled at their mom to leave the house. They locked the door, called their stepdad to pick up their mom, and threw the meaningless necklace out of the window onto the front lawn.
OP immediately regretted throwing the necklace, and grabbed it out of their mom's hand after she picked it up.
throwra_inhernameThen OP unleashed everything they had to say. They kept calling their mom a liar and were about to call the cops when their stepdad finally arrived.
throwra_inhernameOP's stepdad left a message the next day. He said he understood why OP was upset, but urged them to speak to their mom who was still grieving.
throwra_inhernameHe told OP that their sister's death was difficult for the entire family and everyone was still trying to get their bearings. Their mom's heartbroken face as they ripped the necklace from her hand flashed in OP's mind, but they were also reminded of the lies and betrayals since their sister's death.
throwra_inhernameThe person who harmed another deflects and somehow finds a way to paint themself as the victim.
AcmcShepherdGrief is a difficult emotion to handle by itself. It must be mind-boggling if you compound it with anger and betrayal from someone you expected to empathize with you,
CenterofChaosOP's heartbreaking question was would their mother have admitted to what she did if OP had not caught an odd detail from her story?
throwra_inhername
Other Redditors who have felt a similar kind of loss said they would have been enraged if they went through what OP did.
smarmy-marmoset
I understand to an extent that the sentiment of the necklace is what made it meaningful. However, it was also a physical reminder of who their sister once was.
BrokenHarmony
OP said what happened that night was like an out-of-the-body experience. Their anger took over.
throwra_inhername
OP shared an update seven days later. They spoke to their mom and gave her an ultimatum. She has to tell their dad and brother the truth or OP will.
throwra_inhername
OP saw their dad's and brother's hearts break once more when they broke the news. Their brother lashed out of anger but immediately apologized to OP.
throwra_inhername
Their dad collected himself and said they could go to their sister's grave to collect some dirt. He reminded OP and their brother that their sister was with them in memory even if she hadn't been close all those years ago.
throwra_inhername
OP's dad said he would talk to their stepdad to find out where the grave was. Their mom refuses to speak to OP. She wouldn't answer any questions about what she did.
throwra_inhername
OP has been trying their best to keep moving forward with their brother and father's help.
throwra_inhername
Their anxiety over what OP could do made OP feel guilty. OP said they remind themself that they could keep their sister's resting place beautiful once they locate it. The thought has kept OP going.
throwra_inhername
What their mom did was reprehensible. Refusing to explain why she scattered her daughter's ashes without letting her other family members know is another form of betrayal.
OP was worried the cemetery wouldn't give them or their dad information about the grave, but someone from the industry assured them it wouldn't be an issue because they were related to the owners of the plot. OP said the reassurance that they could find their sibling brought comfort.
