7 Surprising Reasons Men Pull Back From Intimacy In Relationships

Why do men check out on intimacy? It’s more than meets the eye.

Sophia

• Published in Interesting
• November 12, 2024

When intimacy fades in a relationship, it’s common for partners to feel confused, even rejected, as they wonder why the initial spark has fizzled out.

For many couples, the loss of closeness can trigger a whirlwind of emotions and questions: Is it personal? Is there something fundamentally wrong? And can the spark be rekindled?

Dr. Stephen Snyder, an experienced therapist and author, has spent years working with thousands of couples facing similar issues, and he offers insight into why men in long-term relationships sometimes appear to withdraw from intimacy.

His findings reveal that the reasons are often more complex than a simple loss of attraction.

In his work, Dr. Snyder has identified seven surprising reasons men may become distant, many of which have more to do with emotional and psychological factors than with physical attraction. These hidden influences range from childhood memories and societal pressures to emotional communication gaps that can erode connections.

By understanding these underlying causes, couples can navigate the challenges that come with long-term relationships, ultimately strengthening their bond. If your relationship feels like it’s lost its warmth, this list may offer insight into the subtle factors that could be keeping men at a distance—and practical ways to rebuild the closeness.

1. You Remind Him of His Childhood

For some men, seeing their partner upset can unconsciously remind them of feeling helpless as children. This triggers memories of disappointing their mothers, creating an urge to pull away rather than connect intimately.

Dr. Snyder suggests openly communicating that it’s okay to express feelings and that emotional distance doesn’t need to follow.

2. The “No-Intimacy” Cycle

When men withdraw emotionally, women often feel hurt, creating a cycle of miscommunication and avoidance. Dr. Snyder advises partners to break this pattern by gently reassuring each other that emotional closeness can be maintained, even in tough times.

3. Differing Views on Pleasure

Men and women may perceive closeness differently. While women often seek deep connection, men sometimes feel pressured to keep things “exciting.” According to Dr. Snyder, understanding these differences can help partners find balance.

4. Needing to Feel Enjoyed

Men are often focused on bringing joy to their partners, but they also need to feel appreciated. Dr. Snyder emphasizes the importance of showing mutual enjoyment, which helps sustain a healthy intimate relationship.

6. The Power of “Simmering”

Dr. Snyder introduces the idea of “simmering”—small acts of intimacy like holding hands or light touches that build closeness. This practice allows couples to connect without pressure, creating a strong bond over time.

Beyond Scheduled Intimacy

For couples with busy schedules, penciling in intimacy can feel robotic. Dr. Snyder encourages spontaneous connection, as it helps keep relationships feeling genuine and passionate.

7. Shifting Focus from Outcomes

Intimacy doesn’t have to end in a specific way every time. Dr. Snyder suggests thinking of it like a meal—enjoying each course without rushing to dessert. This mindset shift can lead to more fulfilling closeness.

So, if you’re ready to dive deeper into the mysteries of keeping that spark alive, these insights might be the missing piece to rekindling your connection. Relationships aren’t always simple, but understanding each other’s needs can make all the difference.

Don’t keep these secrets to yourself—share this article with friends and family! You never know who might need a little relationship wisdom.

Sophia