Teen Resists Recognizing Stepmom As New Mother, Outraged At Being Denied Visits To Biological Mom

"She shouldn’t have pushed so hard to become someone she wasn’t"

Maryjane

• Published in Interesting
• November 12, 2023

It could take some time to get used to your new stepfamily, and there might be a hard patch when you and your stepchild don't get along. It's important to be understanding, persistent, and patient with your stepchild if it seems like they despise you.

You see, processing this significant familial transition as a young kid can be emotionally overwhelming, even though it can be difficult to deal with as an adult. It is your responsibility to be kind to them during this trying time of transition.

Teens may find it most difficult to adjust to a stepparent because they are used to a single parenting approach and way of life in the home. It will be easier for you to establish a positive relationship with your stepchild if you are aware of what they might be going through. 

OP's stepmom had tried becoming a parental figure to her, but she never saw her as anything other than her dad's wife. When the OP was 10, her biological mom got deported back to her home country.

Due to this, her dad got full custody of her and broke up with her mom. Then came the stepmom, who felt she could take her mom's place, but the OP didn't let her.

OP's aunt from her mom's side invited her to go to her home country with her to see her mom, and she agreed. But then her stepmother was against it, which led to an argument.

The headline

And the story kicks off...

The concluding part

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

for being too harsh on my dads wife because her feelings could have been extremely hurt.

The comments roll in...

The OP's grown

Seeing her as a mother figure

She should understand things

Redditor MTRose59 had this to chirp in

You have mom. You lived with your mother for 10 years until the trauma of her deportation. And you maintain a positive relationship with her to the best of both of your abilities given the distance. Your stepmom wasn't in your life until you were about 11. It's not realistic for your stepmom to believe she will replace your mom given that your mother is alive, you bonded with your mother during your early childhood, and you remain in contact with your mom. You have a different relationship with your stepmom, which could be positive but won't be if she tries to undermine your relationship with your mom. There is room for love for multiple people so no need to try to get you to choose. The relationships will just be different.

Stepparents aren't easy to have

Judging the father

She's absolutely insane

What a good stepparent would do

It shouldn't be so

Children undergo significant developmental transitions as they grow. When significant family upheavals occur, children may experience feelings of helplessness, fear, anxiety, and a loss of control so it might be hard for them to let the new person in.

Obviously, the OP's sad that her biological mom is so far away, and things might have been different if the stepmom opted to be a friend instead. The OP was declared not the AH.

Maryjane