Should I Have Listened to My Late Exs Father? AITA for Attending the Funeral?

by Davy

In a heartbreaking turn of events, a Reddit user shared a deeply emotional story about her ex-husband's sudden passing in a car accident, leaving her as the emergency contact to receive the devastating news. The user detailed the challenges faced when deciding on the funeral arrangements, including the tension with her ex-husband's father.

Despite agreeing to a small family viewing, the user and her children were abruptly asked to leave before the service, causing immense distress. The post delves into the complexities of grief, family dynamics, and the user's determination to honor her ex-husband's memory for the sake of their children.

The community responded with overwhelming support, condemning the ex-husband's father's actions and offering legal advice and emotional solidarity. Comments urged the user to stand up for her children's rights, seek legal counsel, and navigate the intricate probate process to protect her children's inheritance.

The thread resonated with many, sparking discussions on family relationships, inheritance rights, and the lengths a parent would go to ensure their children's well-being during such a challenging time. The outpouring of empathy and advice showcased the power of solidarity in times of grief and uncertainty.

Original Post

Updated: we went, we stayed about 10 minutes and then right before the eulogy, the funeral director told us exfil said we had to leave. We were then escorted out.
We were not allowed to stay for the service. It was upsetting for my kids and myself, we did get to see a few people and my children got to see how loved their dad was, even for a moment.
I’m going to jump right in because the funeral is this Friday. My ex husband passed away last week in a car accident, very unexpectedly.

The troopers came to my house (I’m his emergency contact) to break the news. The first person I called was his father, and he flew out the next day with my exs sister.
Before he flew out he asked me where we should have the service, in texas (where we live) or back in Maryland where our families and friends all still live. I told him I felt like the service needed to be in Maryland because that was where everyone was and P (my exes father) agreed.
He let me know the funeral home said they might be able to do a small viewing with just family and I agreed to doing that as long as I felt like he was in a condition he’d be ok with. I met my exes sister and his dad at the funeral home to go over paperwork and plan the viewing, he told me all the details for the funeral back home and we talked a bit about where my ex worked, his day to day life, his home, and the probate process.

His father was taking care of the probate process and seemed defensive about some of his belongings, I really felt like focusing on my children was more important than arguing over small things in the home… all of that could wait so I backed off of helping with cleaning out him home and handed all of his insurance paperwork and other information I had that would be useful to them like contacts at his work and his electric login. We had the viewing, both of our children said goodbye to their dad and it was very emotional.
At the viewing I mentioned that a friend had paid for our tickets to fly home as I was quickly realizing how much everything was going to cost and I suddenly was without the financial help of their dad.. I was extremely thankful for their generosity.
After the viewing I didn’t hear anything from his sister or dad, they didn’t ask to see the kids or let me know what was going on with the process and I was actively trying to navigate the life insurance process while grieving my ex and helping my children with their feelings. The last few days have been a blur of crying and anger for all of us, we are so heartbroken to have lost him.

My exes sister and father flew out on Friday and around noon I got a call from his father telling me we were not welcome at the funeral and that my children and I would be a distraction to his (my exes father) families grieving. I’m shocked and hurt, I told him I had never heard anything so hateful and the conversation was over.
My exes father and sister have never visited texas, we’ve lived here for 4 years. They were not close and had no idea where he worked, or even any recent photos of him.
We were divorced but still good friends, and my ex was a devoted father. His children were his world.

AITA for not listening to his father and still taking them? The funeral is open to anyone, I can’t imagine us being there among hundreds of other people will really be a problem.
Edit: for those asking his reason, he said “well I gave you a nice service here” -we had a short viewing only and had previously agreed to the service being in Maryland so no, there was no service. Also for clarity I am the beneficiary on the policies, my ex and I did his open enrollment together every year and we put each other as our beneficiaries to make it easier if anything like this ever did happen I have a wrongful death attorney and he is helping me with the process but I will reach out to a probate attorney.
Thank you to everyone for the advice on SSI