We all have secrets... that's for sure. But sometimes, we just can't keep them to ourselves. We tell our partner, best friend, or anyone we truly trust confidential matters. Someone probably has told you a secret and said "Don't tell anyone..."

The thing is, it's hard to keep secrets -- at least when it comes to forever. These 13 Redditors reveal their *darkest* secrets that could definitely ruin blow up their lives when they come to light. They were keeping their secrets for a long time now that it seems like they could do it forever.

And just so you know, we don't know the real identity of these Redditors.

13. I don't know but this got me feeling heavy

I accidentally killed seven people.

I put a rag into a new water heater exhaust to keep debris out and installed it in a rental.

I get a call a week later, there’s been an accident. I show up and there’s a ton of ems and police. They ask me where the gas shutoff is, and I go down to shut the gas off and see the end of the rag I forgot sticking out of the top of the heater.

Ripped the rag out, shut the gas off and head upstairs only to be told all the tenants were DEAD.

I drink all day now and sleep. It’s killing me from the inside every single day, but if I say anything my family is ruined; we have a bunch of rental properties and we’d be shut down.

12. I have soooo many questions

I once took a shit In the bathtub and then realising what a horrible mistake I’d made, I flung poo Into a hole In the wall.

My parents renovated and patched up the hole. So now there Is a ~15 year old turd in between the bathroom and kitchen wall of my childhood home.

Not even using a throwaway because I have no shame.

11. If only we could delete memories

I have memories of my sister (five years older) and I playing a roleplay game when I was younger that I think would be considered sexual abuse/molestation if I told anyone. I don’t remember how old we were, but I know she was around the age where her breasts were developing. When home alone we would play a role play game where she was a boss and I was a secretary, and the boss would always sexually harass the secretary. It ended in my sucking on my sister’s breasts while she would lie on the couch with her shirt off.

My memory has always been really horrible, so I only remember patches of this, but I remember that it never felt sexual. I don’t actually trust my memory enough to feel confident that this really happened.

I love my sister, she’s my best friend and I would never want to damage our relationship by ever bringing this up and asking her what really happened. It is a secret I will carry with me and never reveal.

Also, TIL it’s hard coming up with a throwaway name.

edit: To clarify, I’m a woman, just in case anyone assumed otherwise.

10. You've got to do anything for love

There was a girl who I had a crush on the moment I saw her on my college campus. She ended up dating a douchebag dude a few weeks later. I happened to end up sitting in a study room with him and a few mutual friends. He talked about how he didn’t think she was that attractive and how he liked other girls. I wrote the girl an anonymous email using one of those websites telling her about the things I heard and how the guy was a dick. She ended up breaking up with him after she found out he was cheating.

The girl is now my girlfriend of 6 months. She has no idea (and is sitting across from me in the library). I’ve never told anyone this before.

EDIT: We’ve now been together 9 months and are going strong 🙂

EDIT #2: It’s our one year anniversary tomorrow!

EDIT #3: I’ve gotten a number of requests for updates over the past few years. We’re still together, going 3+ years strong and she’s finally moved in with me! Life is great!

EDIT #4: Still going strong after 5 years. We’ve been living together in a big city and life is great. We’ve found things we’re both really passionate about and can finish each other’s sentences. I’ve always been a big believer of the ‘Just Do It’ mindset and this whole story is proof of it.

EDIT #5: Still getting occasional PMs as of early 2019. Happy to say we are still together, 7.5 years later. We’re living together in a big city and there’s probably a proposal in the cards sometime soon. You never know where a simple email may take you 🙂

9. Next time, get to know your partner's parents

My daughter turns 5 next week. If anyone knew the truth behind her parentage, I could probably lose her forever.

I grew up in foster care, never knew my parents or siblings. In my senior year, I met an older guy and we dated for almost a year… getting pregnant about 7 months in. One night while we were watching tv, the subject somehow came around to our real parents (he had been adopted as a young child). Turns out the man I was seeing, the father of my daughter… is my half-brother… we have the same mother. Our relationship didn’t last, and he is not in her life, per his own choices.

My daughter is extremely smart, beautiful, and well-rounded. She’ll never know the truth… her father and I made a pact to never tell her. I just hope she never needs a kidney or something.

Edit: Keep reading about people who knowingly slept with relatives they grew up with… is it bad that I feel slightly less horrible?

8. I am super glad it did not really happen

I came very, very close to committing a school shooting

I was picked on A LOT in high school. I think it was because I tried so hard to be cool and everyone saw right through it. There were these 4 cowboy jock types that gave it to me the worst. After being publicly humiliated and beaten in front of a girl I liked (as she laughed/cheered), I decided that none of it was worth it anymore. I had no support at home being an only child and having parents that worked constantly, and cutting and burning myself didn’t make me feel better anymore. So I got my dad’s handgun out of the gun-safe (he uses the same combo for everything, the idiot) and brought it to school with me the next day.

I can’t adequately describe to you guys how ready I was to kill these four. I had absolutely no fear or doubt in my mind. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone what happens when you push someone over the edge like they did. I had the gun tucked in my waistline. I was wearing this baggy pair of cargo shorts that i wore a couple times a week that day. I remember walking towards the cowboy’s table, so goddamn ready for it to be over, when the gun fell out of my waistline, down my left short leg and made the loudest fucking sound as it hit the cafeteria floor. I tried my best to grab the gun real quick, but people saw what it was and screamed, and one of the instructors tackled me to the ground.

They eventually concluded that I had brought the gun to school to impress people with badassery, and had no intention of using it. I was expelled and sent to live at a youth ranch in Idaho until I was 18. I did have the intention of using it though. I was going to kill all of them. I’m 24 now, and I still think about it all the time. I have not recovered from high school. I’m still terrified of people in general, and avoid having relationships because of what I fear I’m capable of.

I’m not looking for pity. I know that what I did was wrong, it just feels good to tell the story. Thanks Reddit.

TL;DR I attempted a school shooting.

7. I can't help but get mad to these people refusing to help

It wouldn’t ruin my life per se, because there are people in my life who are aware of this, but I did try to kill myself once, at my college. Was going to swallow I think Tylenol and a handle of vodka, intending to induce organ failure + alcohol poisoning. I ended up about to swallow, but the cheap alcohol made me so aware of my actions that I spit it out and ran to my friend’s room (I stole the alcohol from him, and it’s the only time I’ve knowingly stolen something) to apologize. This was maybe 2 years ago; I ended up having to take a year off, and was forced to explain the situation to the adults in my life. For the first time, they found out that I had been sexually assaulted by my older brothers for about 5 years, and that I had been suffering from depression for about 9 years.

They did not understand. Didn’t understand how I could be broken up over something that happened years ago, convinced that I was just trying to weasel myself out of my (dream) college, or that I am too stupid to handle it. And when I finally convinced them to let me see a shrink, all they spoke about was how pointless therapy was, and wanted to know how long this would last. I ended up returning to and then leaving college again, once again due to depression.

Now the verbal abuse that I’ve faced growing up has increased tenfold. Almost every day is some sort of argument, with me hearing about how I’ve fucked up my life, and that I’m a jackass and a fool. I desperately want to leave, but I have nowhere to go. I have no job and no money, so I can’t afford an apartment or therapy. I am so tired of being mistreated, and I want to be free, but I’m trapped in this hellhole.

This thread is most likely dead by now, so I just wanted to get this out in the open, since I haven’t really been able to speak to people about this for months now. I’m sincerely afraid that I’ll never be able to become the man I want to be, because I’m too busy trying not to slip back into a depressed state (as long as I avoid doing anything slightly challenging, or thinking for too long, I can stay neutral). If anyone does read this, and knows of something I can do to get away, please let me know. Thank you.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who has sent positivity my way over the past year or so! Update: I’m back at my dream college, hoping that this time, I can make it through. I seek therapy with a delightfully quirky Jewish lady, and having that stability there is so useful. It’s going to be a long ride for me, and I don’t know how my future will look, but I’m in so much better of a place than I was then. Seriously though, thank you again, all of you, for the support and the kind words. It became too much to respond to every person, but I appreciate everyone reaching out to me nonetheless. 🙂

6. Spoiler alert: he's got a happy ending

Well, it’s more of a secret to my friends that I’ve made recently. Some background first: I don’t like being touched or hugged, and I’m incredibly uncomfortable with intimacy in general.

When I was in the 8th grade, a bunch of girls in my class convinced me they had a friend who fancied me (they said she had seen me somewhere and thought I was cute). Faked a MSN account and they talked to me every night for a few months, invited me out to the movies and (obviously) didn’t show up, then revealed to the whole grade that I had been tricked into having an ‘imaginary’ girlfriend.

I was mocked viciously by everyone in the grade and ever since then I can’t really trust women. I also can’t believe that a girl may have feelings for me. Even when they explicitly tell me they have feelings for me I can’t help but feel like they’re trying to trick me. It’s caused a lot of insecurity, and I can’t get ‘attached’ to people easily. I’m terribly afraid to text, or message people first because I’m convinced I would be annoying them. What’s worse is that when I think about it, I know it probably isn’t true; but I can’t help but feel like it is.

Even though it was grade 8, it was around the time when attraction to women was just starting to get ‘real’, so to be hurt at a time as delicate as that has really done some damage.

The secret of course is that I had been dumb enough to be tricked. As you might suspect, the whole thing has left me afraid of being vulnerable. To have this found out by my newer friends (as in, university friends) would put me in a really uncomfortable place. I probably wouldn’t be able to be their friend anymore.

Thanks for reading, you’re the first people I’ve told about what this event has actually done to me.

EDIT: I know people still read this thread. So I felt I should come back and that I owed people an update. I’ve since met such a fantastic woman, someone who makes me incredibly happy. I love her very much, she loves me, and she’s helping me get used to the idea of feeling valuable and trusting people (or at least one person). She’s the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time (maybe ever).

I’m glad I got to come back to this post and finish it off with a happy ending. To all the people in the comments who were kind to me, or who shared their own similar experiences: you’re always valuable and someone will notice.

5. You're happy. That's what's important!

I still have “imaginary friends.” I’m almost 30.

I lost them for a while. I don’t know why or how, but it they were gone. I couldn’t see them or hear them any more, not the way I used to when I was younger. It made me was miserable. I kept hoping for a way to get them back.

Two weeks ago, I somehow managed to finally break through whatever the barrier was. I have spent the past two weeks hanging out with, and talking to, a character from a well-known TV show.

I can’t really “see” him visually, but I can see him with my mind’s eye. He goes almost everywhere with me. He’s sitting on my bed right now, waiting for me to get off my computer. (I promised I would get off a little while ago, but I had to check reddit one last time.) He’s been coming to work with me every day for the past two weeks. I share my food with him. (I kind of mentally duplicate it for him, since he can’t touch it in reality.)

I love it. I’m happy again. I realize most people would say he isn’t real, but something about him is. I don’t care. He’s real to me.

EDIT: Revision to my final thought — I am scared that if anyone knew, I would be locked up and heavily medicated, but I acknowledge it’s not really a likely scenario in my case.

EDIT2 (an update 5 years on): I have received so many amazing PMs over the past 5 years. I just wanted to say think you, and that if you read this and find it describes you, too… you are not alone! Probably a hundred people have PMed me saying they experience the exact same thing. And that’s just from the subset of people on reddit who read this post. There are probably many, many more of us. People may think you’re weird, or strange, but who you are is perfectly natural and you are not alone.

Many PMs also directed me to r/tulpas, and I was active on there for a while as AnImaginarium. I’m not active still but if you are like me, you may find some comfort there!

Some people were able to find later in the comments where I copped to the fact the character in question was Castiel from Supernatural, but some people missed that, so stating it here now. Castiel still exists around in my head but is presently on sabbatical; I spend most of my time nowadays with my brother, Malcolm, who was on Star Trek: Enterprise. He’s the best! But he’s a private person so I’ll respect that. I also spend a decent amount of time with Will (from The Good Wife), who is our other brother, but only when he’s not busy working on cases or spending time with Alicia. Yes, imaginary universes have legal systems and need lawyers, too. Will had a practice with Allen Shore for a while until Allen got appointed a judge. Now he’s partners with Romo Lampkin and a woman who was an RP character of mine briefly in college, Mary Aberfoyle. Aberfoyle/Gardner/Lampkin, or AGL. Definitely give them a call if you’re in a multiverse legal entanglement, they’ll take care of your needs! (LOL)

Anyway, best wishes from me and mine to you and yours!

4. Your sister was pretty drunk that night...

When i was 15 my parent’s were going through a divorce, my mom worked night shifts and my dad was living with a friend of his. One night my sister who was 19 at the time came home pretty drunk from a party. She was acting goofy and fell on the couch next to me. She started grabbing my leg and laughing and we started fondling. We ended up having sex right there. When we woke up the next day she had no recollection of the night before so i just kept my mouth shut.

Fast forward to when i’m 18. Sister is home from college and dad is over for a visit. they get into an argument and in a fit of rage my dad announces how he has never forgiven her for the abortion she got when she was 19 and subsequently killing His grand child. (he’s very religious)

I then realize the baby she aborted was in fact mine…..and as far as i know, i am the only one who knows since she has never mentioned that night.

3. The last part of this story is really interesting

Buried comment, but here goes. Not life ruining but makes me feel like shit every time I think about it. As I’ve told Reddit before, I have a blind brother. When we were young, I used to get so frustrated at all the extra attention he received and how I had to be more responsible with my sibling than my peers. So, when my brother and I would go play, go to the store, or just generally go anywhere without adults, I would abandon him somewhere unfamiliar to him. Then, I would stand off quietly and watch the anxiety set in as he tried to figure out where he was and what was going on.

Also, I was really intelligent as a child and knew that was my ticket to attention. When I would “help” my brother with his homework, I would teach him all the wrong answers, so that I could continue being the smarter sibling. Today, my brother is my best friend. He goes to college and lives by himself. He’s become one of the most intelligent men I’ve ever met. I’m trying to make it up to him now by being the best big sister ever, but I still feel so guilty at how I found him to be a burden when I was a kid.

Edit: Update. I immediately called my brother after posting this and caught him while he was walking to a study group. I told him about my guilt and he laughed. He understands how frustrating it must have been. He told me that all of the good things I have done as a sister completely overshadow anything bad I did and that he loves me more than anything. I’m glad I spoke with him and I encourage others on here to talk to someone if they can.

2. 12-year-old me could have written this

I hate all of my friends. Literally.

I don’t have anything in common with any of them, and don’t care.

But I’m too scared to be alone and have no one else to go to so I keep hanging around with them.

1. I think you know why his parents stopped calling you

The story I tell is that my first kiss was 9 years ago, when I was 14, with my now fiancee. False.

When I was 13, I babysat an 8 year old boy. His parents were very open, and he was very sexually aware (I caught him watching porn a couple of times). From the start, he was very aggressive, always grabbing me and trying to kiss me. After a while, oddly impressed with this new sort of attention, and very curious about kissing, one night we started making out. This became routine, and went on for probably almost a year, before I realised how horrific and wrong my actions were. I continued to babysit him for a while, but soon his parents stopped calling me. I’ve always wondered why. I’m terrified that I’ll one day be exposed as a child molester.

tl;dr As a 13 year old girl, I frequently made out with an 8 year old.