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28 Hilarious Tweets By Cool Moms Who Are Serving Up Parenting-Realness Jokes

by Ariana

Moms have a lot on their plate. In most households they're the chef, the secretary, the cleaner, the teacher (especially during Covid!) the nurse, the psychologist, the taxi driver, the referee... and the list goes on and on.

With all of this on their plate, plus in many instances still having to go to a job they actually get paid to do, you'd think moms don't have too much time to make jokes. Well, if you thought that, you're wrong!

Moms can seriously do it all. They are funny and they aren't afraid to share their humor and 'mom-isms' on social media.

Check out these 28 hilarious mom-tweets by some of the funniest mommas on the world wide web!

Think of the silver linings.

I understand everyone is upset about everything they’re missing out on while stay at home orders are in place, but we should really focus on the good we’re doing by keeping everything closed: there’s no elementary school spring recorder concerts to attend.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 8, 2020

They're more reason for living... dangerously!

My kids are the reason I breathe; they’re also the reason I swear, cry, yell, and eat waaay more carbs than I probably should.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 23, 2019

Those were the days!

Me: I wish I could go back to a less stressful time

Husband: Like February?

Me: More like 8 years ago

7: Hey then you wouldn’t have any kids!!

Me: ᴵᵗ ʷᵃˢ ˢᵒ ᵖᵉᵃᶜᵉᶠᵘˡ

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 7, 2020

Yes, but we asked for a metaphor.

10: Mom what's a metaphor?

Me: My life is a train wreck.

10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?

— 🌴Sardonic Tart🌴 (@SardonicTart) December 12, 2014

You just can't.

Like, what happens if I slip and have a glass of wine or two during this 9-month sobriety challenge?

Obstetrician: First of all, it's called "pregnancy."

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 2, 2019

Heaven

What a parent’s bucket list looks like:

3. Drink hot coffee
2. Shower without kids banging on the door
1. Pee alone

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 9, 2019

Perfect option. Who needs a gym.

Hearing a toddler say “uh oh” from a different room: cheaper than joining a gym and just as effective a workout

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 1, 2019

Best jail ever!

My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 1, 2014

Annnnnnnd we're done.

My son just sang, “Boat’s n’ Hoe’s” to his elderly choir teacher on zoom so I think that about wraps up homeschool for today.

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) May 6, 2020

That's exactly it.

What I say to my son: "Get dressed."
His interpretation: "Stand around naked watching television with one sock on."

— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) February 3, 2015

I chose dying from saliva every damn time!

I had to cough but my kids were sleeping so I literally just choked on my own saliva because apparently I choose dying over accidentally waking them up.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 10, 2019

By the FIST FUL!

Mom
Mom
Mommy
Mom
Ma
MOM
MOMMY
MOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMY MOMMMMMMMMMMY
What are you eating?

Xanax.

— Marloween (@Marlebean) September 16, 2014

Mimosa juice is adults only.

The kids are using up all of my mimosa juice. I hate it here.

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) March 30, 2020

Cheers!

Parenting Level: Approving my kids' friends based on which parents I think would drink wine with me during playdates.

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) May 7, 2015

Mine too!!!

Our homeschool dismissal bell sounds less like a ding and more like me crying.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 7, 2020

Equally as loud and crazy.

Kids are just sober versions of drunk you - laughing, crying, then puking everywhere.

— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) August 13, 2015

Bang on!

My 5-year-old just told me that turtles are slow because they carry their houses on their backs, and I feel like this is a solid analogy for parenthood.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) February 27, 2019

AMEN TO THAT!

I feel like I’d be a much better parent if I didn’t have to do it every day.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 25, 2019

Hey I requested an aisle at the front and my baby wants a window seat at the back!

Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.

— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014

Love springtime!

I love to open my windows to let in the beautiful weather and so my neighbors can learn my kids' middle names.

— Marloween (@Marlebean) May 6, 2020

Exactly this. Or when they open the door while you're on the toilet!

In case you were wondering, the loudest sound in the world is my kid screaming, "Are you pooping?!?" in a public restroom.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 19, 2016

He will adore it.

3yo (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy's card?
Me (in bed): Yes.
3yo: Will he love it?
Me: Yes. pic.twitter.com/TJepUORQwH

— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) June 21, 2015

Get her a massage voucher.

Gentlemen, Heads Up: Your kids aren’t coming home from school with that cute handmade Mother’s Day gift this year. That’s on you. Get out the glue.

— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) May 2, 2020

NOW!!!!!!!

*Mary Poppins voice*
Ok, children! Time to go!
[15 min later]
*Batman voice*
I said let's go.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 5, 2015

So embarrassing!

Me: *breathing*

Tween daughter: God, Mom, quit embarrassing me!

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 6, 2019

Makes sense...

*In church

9: [Whispers] Why do we have to keep sitting & standing and sitting & standing...

Me: [Whispers] So we don't fall asleep

9: oh

— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) September 14, 2014

This is EXACTLY it.

5: Let’s play house, mommy. You be the baby. I’ll be the mommy.

Me: OK

5: It’s night-night time. Go to sleep, baby!

Me: *Kicks, screams, fusses*

5: This isn’t how the game goes, mommy. I’m the mommy, so you have to listen.

Me: Oh, honey, this is *exactly* how the game goes.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) January 2, 2019

MUST RAGE CLEAN.

If you’re a mom and not rage cleaning your house so you can “relax” tomorrow, is it even the Saturday before Mother’s Day?

— 🕷Marissa 🧟‍♀️🎃 (@michimama75) May 9, 2020

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