The Best Sarcastic Quotes Sure To Sharpen Your Wit
Sarcasm is an interesting adaptation of human communication. It’s a learned skill, and as a skill, some are better at it than others.
Seriously, try being sarcastic to a 2-year-old. They won’t understand that you’re not being literal.
And that’s one of the fun parts about sarcasm, it’s a twist on literal meanings to create a whole new message! Language is so dang fun.
While sarcasm can often be dark or considered rude, it is undeniable that sarcasm is thriving in our current society. Some may not like the sting of a well-timed quip, you’ll know you’re with the right people when it’s received with a good laugh.
Heck, my marriage is 80% sarcasm, it’s basically our love language at this point. We may not be as clever or eloquent as the likes of Oscar Wilde and Robin Williams, but a good-hearted jab is always appreciated.
To celebrate the sarcasm in all its glory, we’ve gathered 40 of the best quotes for your amusement. Some are from famous minds, like the aforementioned Oscar Wilde or even the literal genius Albert Einstein, and some we weren’t able to nail down the mysterious origins.
So, my fellow sarcastic readers, this article is for you. The dark jokes and silly quotes that you can store for your future interactions are just a few scrolls away.
1. "I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."
– Author Unknown
giphy2. "Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid."
– John Wayne
giphy3. "When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work."
― Bill Murry
giphy4. "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
– Albert Einstein
giphy5. "Find your patience before I lose mine."
– Author Unknown
giphy6. "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak."
– Steven Wright
giphy7. "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
– Robin Williams
giphy
8. "Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us."
– Stephen Colbert
giphy
9. "Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’."
– Robin Williams
giphy
10. "So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?"
– Author Unknown
giphy
11. "Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity."
– Author Unknown
giphy
12. "I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."
– Oscar Wilde
giphy
13. "Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense."
— Steve Landesberg
giphy
14. "I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it."
– Author Unknown
giphy
15. "Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams."
– Author Unknown
giphy
16. "I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you."
– Edward I. Koch
giphy
17. "An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough."
— Stephen Colbert
giphy
18. "If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you."
― Steven Wright
giphy
19. "Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege."
– Leon Trotsky
giphy
20. "You know what I like about people? Their dogs."
– Jarod Kintz
giphy
21. "I always say 'Morning' Instead of 'good morning' Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people."
– Author Unknown
giphy
22. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
– Oscar Wilde
giphy
23. "A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
– Fred Allen
giphy
24. "A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him."
– Sir Winston Churchill
giphy
25. "Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face."
– Author Unknown
giphy
26. "My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly 'we need to talk.'"
– Author Unknown
giphy
27. "My uncle's dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair."
– Rodney Dangerfield
giphy
28. "If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."
– Betty Reese
giphy
29. "History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives."
– Abba Eban
giphy
30. "An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true."
– Robert Oppenheimer
giphy
31. "Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often."
– Author Unknown
giphy
32. "If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ."
– Shelby Mitchell
giphy
33. "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
– Albert Einstein
giphy
34. "I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?"
– Author Unknown
giphy
35. "Don’t mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I’d punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn’t lose my job."
– Author Unknown
giphy
36. "Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal."
– Author Unknown
giphy
37. "If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel."
– Author Unknown
giphy
38. "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!"
– Billy Connolly
giphy
39. "Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist."
– Michael Levine
giphy
40. "My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more."
– Walter Matthau
giphy
Meh, maybe those quotes you scrolled through really weren’t all that sarcastic after all. Not in the slightest bit.
Who would like those quotes anyway, just some sweet old ladies live, laugh, love-ing their best lives? Probably.
If you enjoyed this, be sure to share these sarcastic quotes with your friends and family. Or don’t, and hoard the witticisms for yourself, see if I care.
