Here's the post that got people talking in the comments about their stories.
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Well this definitely would have been pretty embarassing.
I always take my shirt off after my shoes when I get undressed.
So there I was at around 4:30 in the morning headed through security to fly across country for a festival. I'm nowhere close to awake and I'm totally running on autopilot.
I'm throwing my stuff on the conveyor, I take my shoes off, and I started to take my shirt off and the (FFS why was she attractive) TSA lady was like "Slow down sir we just met".
I didn't know they came with a sense of humor.
Well that definitely wasn't their brightest moment.
The pipe underneath my sink was broken so I put a bucket below it to catch the water leaking out. When it was full I poured it back in the sink...and proceeded to flood my kitchen.
I would say there maybe was substances involved here.
Stopped at a stop sign and waited at least a minute and a half for it to turn green.
Well this is definitely something that is funny now, but maybe wasn't that the time.
I used to work for Comcast in their call center. I worked 3PM-12AM so the only thing that was open when I would get off work was McDonalds.
During the holidays they have unlimited overtime. Me being 19 and having no obligations at the time decided to just work non-stop until I fell down at my desk. I worked 3 days straight of OT taking my mandatory breaks every couple of hours and napping in the lunch room here and there.
Finally I decided I'd had enough and started on my way home at around 2AM one morning. I stopped at the McDonalds drivethrough because I wanted something hot to eat. Up until this point I'd subsisted on mints and packs of crackers from a vending machine.
The conversation went something like this:
Drivethru lady: Go ahead and order when you're ready
Me: Thanks for calling comcast, home of the triple play, My name is lbaile200 how can I assist you today!?
*A very long pause*
I ended up sleeping in the parking lot of that McDonalds for about 12 hours in my car. The manager eventually knocked on my window and asked me if I was homeless and if I needed to come in and warm up.
We've all done something like this before so don't feel too bad about it.
I was looking all over for my keys and finally thought that I might have left them in the car. I went outside and my car was locked. So I pulled my keys out of my pocket, unlocked the door, opened the door and realized how much of an idiot I am.
This is actually pretty funny and definitely something that we would all laugh about later on.
I kissed my wife's best friend. It was totally innocent and something we laughed about.
I had to take a bus to work everyday at about 4 am. My wife usually drove me to the stop so that I didn't have to leave my car there for 14 hours.
My wife's friend was staying with us while she looked for a job and house in the area. She was getting up early anyways so she decided she would take me and let my wife sleep.
When we got to the stop, I just instinctively leaned over and kissed her goodbye. She had a dumbfounded look on her face, and mine instantly turned red as I realized what I'd done. I just said "sorry, it was a habit."
My wife poked fun at me for days for putting the moves on her friend.
We've all been in this sort of situation where we reply with the saying we say every day at work.
As a teenager, I worked at McDonald's. My McDonald's was 24 hours and, during the summer, I worked the overnight shift. My sleep schedule would get all messed up.
My parents woke me up for dinner one evening. I zombie walked to the table and sat down. My dad asked me to say grace. I bow my head and say, "thank you for choosing McDonald's, may I take your order?"
Well this isn't something that we've heard before but it's a pretty funny situation to laugh at.
I was talking to my boyfriend while he was eating a sandwich.
In mid sentence, he ripped a piece off and threw it at my face. He looked stunned when I didn't open my mouth and catch it (we have a dog)
We both nearly pee'd laughing
Well, looks like you're having soup with no liquid.
I was feeling an encroaching sickness coming upon me one time, so I decided to be proactive and make myself a couple of days' worth of the most baller chicken soup I could manage in advance, so I'd be able to eat well even when I was dying of the lurgy.
I chopped the carrots, I sorted the onions, I stewed the chicken bones, and I cooked that m**********r down for eight hours into the most delicious stock you could imagine.
Then I poured it all through a colander into the sink.
Again this is something that many of us have done multiple times before.
"have a good day sir."
"Love you too."
Awkward shuffle out of Panera.
I lived in the same house for 16 years. Moved out.
Years later I did some summer work as a construction worker....on MY old house! First day I walked in, mindlessly did what I ALWAYS did when I came in, waltzed Into the kitchen during the family’s breakfast, opened the fridge and peered inside for a long while looking for something to eat.
I came to myself (dude I don’t live here anymore), looked up, and the family was all staring at me from the breakfast table, forks in mid air. At this unknown construction worker making himself right at home.
I was so embarrassed I backed out, stammering the whole time and trying to have them understand “I’m so sorry I used to live here”. Wasn’t allowed inside work at that job site for a while
I want to know how the conversation started after this moment.
I had recently been attending a lot of martial arts classes at night. One morning at work I accidentally bowed at my boss when I entered his office.
This was in the US, neither of us are of Asian descent, and yes he noticed.
It was awkward.
Well ya know, it's not the worst thing that you could do.
I’m an ex-bus driver and many times on my way home from work, I would go to pull into a bus stop, in my car...
At least he was being safe and cautious.
Go to the cinema to watch Quantum of Solace. Walk in five minutes late. Furious car chase on screen.
Instinctively try to find my seatbelt.
Well it's definitely not the worst thing that could happen but we understand the confusion.
I was working the backline at an Arby's WAY back in the day. We used to get our sub buns footlong, but all the subs we sold were 6 inch.
I literally reached into the bag, grabbed a sub roll, cut it in half, and then put the knife back in the bag and tried to cut another sandwich with the sub bun. My manager saw it and DIED.
Impeccable service at its finest. You really can't complain.
"Here you go, if you need anything else, just let me know!", as I graciously put down the plate with food I cooked for the only person in the room. Me.
It's really so funny what our brains try to do sometimes.
Washed an apple at the sink. Dried it with a paper towel. Turned and tossed the apple in the trash and stood there holding the towel like an idiot.
This is something that almost every mom or parent has probably experienced as well.
I've been working with children for 7 years now. When I'm drunk/tired/otherwise distracted, I go into teacher mode. If I'm travelling with people, I'll count them on and off public transport, I offer everyone water and snacks if I have them, and even tell complete strangers to "use your walking feet/inside voice" if they're running or shouting.
I didn't even know I was doing it til my boyfriend pointed it out to me.
I bet that was a hilarious thing to explain after the fact.
I've worked as a caregiver for adults with mental and physical disabilities for more than a decade now. I'm a caregiver. I do basic cares, which include helping many adult men do their daily activities, things like: shaving, buttoning shirts, making sure belts are on correctly, so on and so forth.
Once on a date, I was a bit buzzed. I fixed my date's shirt, and told him he needed to look in the mirror and see if he wanted a shave.
This is actually pretty funny and even funnier that the conversation didn't really improve.
Reposting my own comment from a few years ago in a similar thread, because I still think this is my best response to this question.
Came into work to work front of house after several extended nights of profound insomnia. I was holding up ok until a gal walks up with a dog in her arms. I always chat people up about their dogs because A. Dogs are awesome and B. people love to talk about their dogs, and often tip a little more when they feel like they've actually connected with you.
Today though... I didn't have two neurons to rub together to break from the script of "hey what can I get you... here's your total... do you want a receipt?" and so I lean over the counter like a drunk, lock my sleep-starved, unfocused googly eyes on this poor lady, and blurt out-
"your dog. Who is he" and then expectantly stare at her like that was a normal and not at all insane thing that I just kinda vomited at her. She kinda stared at me and clutched her dog a little closer and I think I probably went a little cross-eyed and tried to salvage the conversation by talking more.
I don't remember what I said but it was definitely not an improvement on the situation. It may not have even been a coherent sentence.
This is way funnier than it should have been.
Undressing to shower, I threw my underwear into the toilet instead of the laundry and flushed it.
Oh my that's an awful long way to go the wrong way.
I drove home from Phoenix to Prescott, forgetting the fact that I had moved to Flagstaff about a month prior. Got all the way to my old driveway before realizing my error. (Both Prescott and Flagstaff are north of Phoenix, but are about 1.75 hours apart from each other).
This most definitely sounds like something many of us could do.
Trying to unlock the front door of my house with my car remote.
Edit: Wow, platinum! Thanks so much kind stranger!
He said he was done for the entire day.
I used to work on a farm & we always took our boots off before entering the homestead for meal breaks. One afternoon I absent-mindedly unbuttoned my jeans and started to take them off instead of my boots. I guess my brain decided I was done for the day!
This is actually pretty funny.
Sometimes in the shower I fill my mouth up with water and just kind of let it pour out. Was brushing my teeth standing in the bathroom one day, fully dressed before work. I just let the toothpaste pour slowly out of my mouth and onto my clothes as if I were in the shower... now every time I brush my teeth my boyfriend warns me not to spit all over myself.
I've most definitely almost done this.
I was tired at the time, but sat down on the toilet thinking that the seat was up and just [urinated] all over the seat, floor and myself.
Not a great thing to do ..or clean up at 3AM
We've all put things where they don't belong.
I tried putting the milk bottle back in the microwave then got mad when it didn't fit. I only stopped trying cause my brother was there watching and he start laughing.
When you're in a routine, then you're in a routine.
Got in my car to buy groceries and drove the 45 minutes to work.
PS. But the actually embarrassing one is when you are a homecare nurse and you walk into one of your patients home at 9pm expecting them to have milk and bread in stock.
Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.
Was signing for a parcel on one of those electronic things delivery drivers use, and I wasn't paying any attention and ended up staring at it for a minute and then just drawing a straight line on the screen and handing it back
He was confused
I mean there's enough love to spread to everyone.
My wife's friend & her husband were leaving after having dinner at our house. As they're leaving, she says "love you" to my wife. Naturally, I respond "love you t... uuuuuh... yeah, goodnight."
We definitely have been in some of these situations where we are just on autopilot and doing what our brain is telling us, or not telling us, to do. It's pretty funny to hear that other people are on autopilot too and we can all kind of laugh about it.