All The Disney Princes On A Straight To Gay Scale
Alright, this is something the people of the Disney community have been wishing and waiting for, and someone finally did it! In fact, two very fine men have gone out of their way to rank the worlds favorite princes on what they're calling list 'list'. Saucy right?
The list was made by Sam Stryker and Stephen LaConte, who describe themselves as "very, very gay!" (I love them already) and claim that they've spent a lot of time thinking about this list, so they finally made it public so that everyone can be informed by the right sources, and finally put aside that potentially awkward or offensive guessing.
Check out the list below and see what they had to say to explain each ranking! But beware if you have your heart set on a certain Disney Prince, it may just be broken...
Here are the lovely men in question who put in all the hard work!
Handsome devils, aren't they?
Disney14. John Smith
On a scale of 1–gay: 0
Why: With a name like John Smith you know he's just another mediocre straight man (also, problematic!). Also technically not even a prince! Not worth Pocahontas's time.
Disney13. Prince Naveen
On a scale of 1–gay: 0.5
Why: The man is getting kissed by women even when he’s a freaking frog. That's almost TOO straight. And Princess Tiana is nobody's beard.
Disney12. Prince Ferdinand
On a scale of 1–gay: 1
Why: Listen, those lips are NOT meant for a straight man. But kissing a comatose woman in the hopes of bringing her back to life? Sorry, that's straight AF.
Disney11. Prince Charming
On a scale of 1–gay: 2
Why: Basically the OG season of The Bachelor. We're sorry but only a straight guy would think to go on a nationwide search for his one true love with only a glass slipper is clever/romantic. Sad!
Disney10. Aladdin
On a scale of 1–gay: 3
Why: You might expect Aladdin to be further down this list since he and his nipple-free chest are VERY important to the queer community. But Aladdin himself isn’t really that gay! Aladdin’s the kind of guy who’s straight but LOVES his gay fans — and will frequently talk about that time he made out with a dude in college. Aladdin is the Nick Jonas of Disney princes.
Disney9. Flynn Rider
On a scale of 1–gay: 4
Why: Okay, Flynn Rider himself really isn’t that gay, but he gets some serious queer points for being named “Flynn Rider.” That’s a gay porn name if we’ve ever heard one. He's the Sean Cody of Disney princes if you will.
Disney8. Prince Phillip
On a scale of 1–gay: 4.5
Why: That hat and cape combination? Our prince is PRIDE ready! But he's willing to fight a dragon to save a princess. The only way a gay man would fight a dragon is for bottomless mimosas at brunch or new Carly Rae Jepsen music.
Disney
7. Simba
On a scale of 1–gay: 5
Why: He just can’t wait to be king, but he’s also kind of a queen! Simba’s got a perfectly coiffed mane and a penchant for staring at his own reflection. Also, lions have been known to have gay sex in the wild, so...
Disney
6. Li Shang
On a scale of 1–gay: 6.5
Why: He challenges an entire army of men to climb a gigantic phallic-shaped object to prove their worth, all the while singing the musical number "Be a Man." INTERESTING! Also, those eyebrows are PLUCKED to perfection. Definitely more than a little gay!
Disney
5. The Beast
On a scale of 1–gay: 7
Why: Prince Adam was a ~confirmed bachelor~ who lived in a meticulously decorated, over-the-top castle and was obsessed with his looks. Basically, he's every West Elm-obsessed design gay (you know the one we're talking about). And as the Beast, he helped bring the bear community into the national spotlight. Pretty gay!
Disney
4. Hans and Kristoff
On a scale of 1–gay: 7.5
Why: We already know Elsa is gay, gay, gay. And then there was that gay spa owner in Frozen. Listen, we're not disputing that Hans *OR* Kristoff could end up with Elsa. But they probably BOTH fall somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale. Maybe there's something in the water in Arendelle?
Disney
3. Tarzan
On a scale of 1–gay: 8.5
Why: The muscles. The flowing locks. The loincloth. The dude was practically BUILT to be an Instagram Gay.
Disney
2. Hercules
On a scale of 1–gay: Gay!
Why: Listen, we *ALL* know what went down in Ancient Greece. On top of that, Hercules is basically every #masc4masc muscle queen you find on your Instagram Discover page. Also, "Go the Distance" is definitely about bottoming for the first time.
Disney
1. Prince Eric
On a scale of 1–gay: 1,000,000
Why: Prince Eric is gay, plain and simple. First of all, he was perfectly content to marry a woman who literally never spoke — that’s what we call a beard. And he refused to ~kiss the girl~, even when an entire chorus of sea creatures was begging him to do it. Those well-manicured eyebrows and sculpted chest aren’t fooling anyone, Eric. We love a gay-as-hell prince!!!
Disney
