Married Men Reveal Hilariously Absurd Mistakes They Made While Dating That Almost Cost Them Their Future Wives

Almost didn't happen

1. A drunken second date turned into a hilarious yet endearing adventure

"For our second date, I had invited her out with myself and some friends to celebrate a friend getting a job. I drank. Heavily. She was my DD. She drove me home, and as she pulled up to the curb I threw open the door, rolled out of the car, and vomited into the gutter. She then offered to help me cross the street, to which I responded by yelling "I'M DISGUSTING" and sprinting across the street. Once inside, I brushed my teeth aggressively.

She asked what I was doing and I told her I needed to clean my mouth so I could kiss her. After I was done, I walked to my room, laid down, and immediately fell asleep. She spent the night to make sure I was okay.

I'm now holding our baby girl who was born just last week. I asked her at one point why she stayed with me through that and she said it was because even though I was p**s drunk, the whole time I was still gentle and kind, asked her if she was having fun, and introduced her to everyone I knew. I'm a lucky guy.

EDIT: TIL that brushing your teeth after vomiting is bad."

2. Miscommunication at the movies led to a hilarious car mishap instead of the intended intimate encounter

3. Dad accidentally stabs Mom's hand with a fork on their first date, but love prevails

"Not my story, but my parents:

Some backstory - My dad has a brother who’s only a couple of years older. Growing up, they’d commonly try to steal food off each other’s plates just to be a******s to each other. This was remedied by plate guarding and defensive maneuvers with utensils if hands got too close.

On my parent’s first date, my mom reached for something to try off my dad’s plate and he instinctively stabbed her hand with his fork - drew blood and everything. He was obviously mortified

Glad my mom was crazy enough to keep dating, marry, and procreate with the fork stabber."

The beauty of modern relationships is the freedom to take things slow and truly get to know a partner before making a lifelong commitment. In this era, where the pressure to marry is less intense, people have the opportunity to observe their significant other and witness how they navigate through both inspired and dumb decisions.

There is a silver lining to these questionable choices: they allow partners to see each other at their worst before taking the plunge. While the average time from the first date to the wedding in the US is approximately two years, this figure is skewed by those who take several years to decide and the few who rush into a decision within weeks. Ultimately, everyone has their own timeline.

Interestingly, these dumb actions can serve as relationship stress tests. Couples find themselves in uncomfortable situations, resolving disagreements and discovering what each other's idea of a "normal" date entails.

It becomes a litmus test for how much each party genuinely likes or dislikes the other. If you are willing to give someone another chance after witnessing their less-than-ideal moments, it's a clear testament to the depth of your affection for them.

4. In a comical turn of events, my cooking skills fell short when I served an undercooked burger before visiting my partner

"I made myself a burger for dinner before heading over to her place to hang out. Unfortunately, I'm not the best cook and left a little too much pink in that burger. While we were at her house I bet her I could fit through the doggy door and crawled right through.

Then she immediately closed it behind me and we raced to the front door, she won and she locked it. Now at this exact moment, my bowels decided they had enough of that burger from earlier and I felt my stomach cramp.

Luckily I held it all in and ran back to the back door with my cheeks clenched and started knocking desperately in the door. She was laughing at first but when she saw my face go suddenly serious and I said very calmly "I need you to open the door.... Now please."

She unlocked the door and asked if I was okay, I told her to stay downstairs and turn the TV up loud. She agreed but was very confused. So I ran upstairs and then had one of the most violent s***s of my whole life. I thought the worst was behind me until I went to wipe.... And of course no TP. So she took my instructions really well and when I yelled to her, texted her, and called her I got no answer.

After probably 10 missed calls she finally answered and I asked her to bring me some TP and leave it outside the door and try not to breathe on the way upstairs. She was great about it and immediately started making fun of me when I came back downstairs. Now quite a few years later a couple kids and a cat, she's still making fun of me."

5. Nervousness around women, especially when being observed, led to a hilarious mishap during an early date

6. High school tackle fail, 17 years later still together

"I once spear-tackled my then-girlfriend out of misplaced enthusiasm in high school. I was excited to see her and handled it as badly as possible. It was in front of a bunch of our friends and I ended up knocking the wind out of her and making her cry. That was about 17 years ago, and we're still together.

I also licked my plate at a fancy restaurant because the salad dressing was so good. She still brings that one up every few years.

Edit: My most-upvoted comment ever is me recounting my most shameful relationship fails. The internet is weird. Plate-lickers unite!"

Adversity has a peculiar way of fortifying our experiences, even when it involves our partners. While it may strain the bond, solidarity remains a valuable social connection. The irony arises when our significant other happens to be the source of the problem, but I digress.

Nonetheless, the ubiquitous marriage vow of enduring "thick and thin" holds its significance for a reason. And let's not forget the charm of sharing foolish dating anecdotes that never fail to elicit laughter during social gatherings, creating moments of shared mirth.

7. An awkward sneeze mishap led to a potential disaster, but their love prevailed

"She was about to sneeze and she was sitting half on my lap so I kinda thought she was gonna sneeze on me and idk what I was thinking but I put my hand up to block her sneeze except I had a glass in my hand and I blocked her own hand from covering her sneeze and instead she slammed her face into my glass.

Married for 6 years now. She still has all her teeth."

8. An unforgettable second date involved excessive drinking and an Uber ride home

"We drank a lot on our second date, Ubered home. The next day went back to get his car, and it wasn't there. He was so devastated. He just bought it recently and it was stolen.

We filed a police report. Took forever and just generally sucked. We walked to his friend's house nearby, and there was his car, perfectly un-stolen. He drank so much he forgot he moved it before our date.

Now, once in a while when we're trying to find our car in the grocery store parking lot or wherever, one of us will say "It's stolen. Call the police."

9. Awkwardly turned down her date suggestion, but fate intervened

"Turned her down when she suggested we go on a date. Read as: I'm super awkward. I was working for Starbucks, she was a regular customer. I was new in town and noticed her a couple of times, she was a regular customer and we got to some small talk, chatting about places to eat.

She said there's an amazing taco place down the road, we should go some time. I misheard her, thinking she said "You should go sometime". I replied "I'll definitely check it out!" I handed her a drink and she left very awkwardly.

She was back in the next day and, against all odds, I was able to clear up the misunderstanding and I wrote my number on her Starbucks cup. We went to that taco place for our first date and she was right, it was amazing.

3 years married and 2 kids later... Really glad she saw through my awkwardness."

There may be a method to the madness, or perhaps the lack thereof, among most respondents. In general, a happy, positive, and optimistic person tends to be more likable than someone who constantly exudes negativity.

While it may sound speculative, there is evidence suggesting that individuals with lower IQ scores often report better social lives and higher levels of happiness. Of course, there are other factors at play, such as urban density and the number of friends one has.

However, when it comes down to it, a somewhat unintelligent yet cheerful person often creates a more enjoyable experience than an intelligent but grumpy individual. Problem-solving skills don't always equate to a good time.

10. Love bloomed amidst clumsy accidents

"Little late to the party but here's my story: when we had only been dating a month or so my then-boyfriend went to pick me up (I assume) and accidentally threw my head through the ceiling and gave me a concussion.

He's 6'8" and just really misjudged the distance. I also had a hard time getting used to his height and very regularly kneed him in the balls for about two years while cuddling so I think we're even. We've been together six years now and proud to say we haven't injured each other in about four.'

11. Endearing love despite relentless staring

"The night I met my husband, he stared at me while I was sleeping. For 4 hours straight. It's been 3 years. He still stares at me until I scold him for it.

Then he waits until he thinks I won't notice and starts staring again. I love him to the moon and back, even though he'd sure as hell stare at me the entire trip."

Moreover, although many of these actions may have been considered foolish by conventional standards, particularly during a date, they left a lasting impression. In a saturated dating landscape where extravagant events may be out of reach for some, it becomes crucial to stand out in unexpected ways.

It's about demonstrating vulnerability, showcasing that you are aware of your own shortcomings. And if you happen to be someone prone to occasional idiocy, firstly, kudos to you for acknowledging it—it's important to have self-awareness.

Secondly, it's likely that you might stumble into another foolish act in the future. That's when you truly need a partner, like those shared here, who will accept and endure it with you. In this context, a seemingly dumb action becomes the filter through which you find your soul mate.

12. Love blossomed from a flicked dime to a scar; now married with three kids

"Flicked a dime at her head. We were playing table football. Not sure what I was thinking. She has a scar. I kiss it every night before we go to bed. We are married and have three kids.

Edit: Thanks for the silver and all the upvotes! First time!"

13. Wife saved the day, thought he got nervous

"When I kneeled to propose I landed on a sharp rock and we had to go to the ER because it lodged in my kneecap. Edit: Wow. Did not expect this to get so many upvotes!

My wife demands I make a minor correction to adequately embarrass myself... She said that I can’t tell the story and leave out her absolute favorite detail: because of the kneecap situation, I forgot to actually ask.

She thought I got nervous and froze up and decided to save me by just saying yes. She also stopped me from pulling the rock out of my kneecap with my trusty leatherman which turned out to be the correct decision. She was a little bummed that I wasn’t simply choked with emotion, but the situation as a whole is (now) a very fond memory.

Sidenote: driving a manual transmission with a rock sticking out of ones kneecap is not super fun."

14. An accidental slip of the tongue on the first date led to an unexpected turn of events

"My husband kept calling me by the name of his previous girl friend on our first date. I finally told him to give her a call because they clearly had unfinished business to talk about.

He did and she reminded him why he was happy to have her out of his life. And he never called me by her name again. 40 years later and it seems to have worked out in my favor."

15. Love blossomed despite a disastrous second date

"On our second date, I arrived 1h late. When I went to greet her with a little hug (yep, that's how we greet people around here) I accidentally knocked her phone off her hand. It hit the ground and cracked the screen, but I wasn't sure if it was already cracked. I apologized, and she said it was ok and that the screen was already like that before.

Almost a year later she confessed that I actually broke her phone that day. She had just gotten it from her mom (all phones she ever had were second-hand, very simple ones) and she couldn't afford a new one at the time, but still, she lied and kept using the broken phone so I wouldn't feel bad. My heart sank.

We've been married for two years now and I've given her a brand new flagship phone every year ever since."

It is a long way to this:

16. Quirky anniversary gift

"Played Weird Al CDs non-stop for a 6-hour car trip to the beach. She didn’t ditch me but hasn’t been allowed to play Weird Al in her presence for the past 24 years.

Got tickets to see him this year on our anniversary and knew better than to ask her to join me so I took a couple of my kids that appreciate the finer things in life. Best anniversary gift ever. Great show."

17. Insisted on walking long distances in San Francisco despite impracticality and unsuitable footwear

"Insisted that everything in San Francisco was walking distance from everything else, and decided we should walk from Pier 39 to Golden Gate Park. It IS walkable, but not third-date walkable, or whatever-shoes-she-happened-to-be-wearing-that-day walkable."

18. Fiery mishap forged unbreakable bond. 29 years strong, smoke-free love

"Accidentally set her hair on fire with a match while lighting a cigarette. Not good. We are still married 29 years later. I dont smoke anymore."

19. Embracing vulnerability and humor in a relationship

20. Embarrassing dating moment

"I know what my husband would say because I still tease him to this day.

We had been dating for two weeks and were spooning on his futon, watching a movie. Out of nowhere, he says, "I'm really sorry, I can't hold it in anymore." And rips a HUGE fart.

My husband was a very clean, tight-knit, prudish kind of guy, so I couldn't help but let out the biggest laugh while he turned about as red as his beard."

21. In a moment of drunken horseplay, my husband accidentally broke my thumb

"My husband broke my thumb one night when we were slightly tipsy. Horse play got too rough and I think (drunk memory) he slammed my hand against something. we both heard the pop and I went to tears."

22. Wife's love for animals meets a disastrous dining experience in Tokyo

23. Husband's clumsy romantic gesture ends in a painful fall on concrete with wife

24. Accidentally smacked partner's face with full force in front of her mom

"I was sitting on the couch as we were playing Wii bowling. She was standing behind the couch, lovingly holding me. I draw back the Wii mote and WHAM! I wack her in the face with the Wii Mote at full strength. Her mom was also in the room."

25. After a year of silence, he found her number and took a chance

"My uncle didn't call his now-wife for over a year after they first met and he got her number. He kept the paper she wrote it on and ended up finding it and calling her asking if she still remembered him and was still interested in going on a date."

26. A chatty movie date nearly cost me a second chance with my wife

"It wasn't until after we were married that my wife told me that I almost didn't get a second date because I talked waaaaaaaaaaaay too much during the movie. I don't really remember it but apparently, I was leaning over every 30 seconds or so to tell her what I was thinking. Also, "Valkyrie", with Tom Cruise probably wasn't that great of a date movie, but it all worked out in the end.

ETA: Please forgive me for my movie-talking sins, everybody. I was a dumb teenager and she's really pretty. I was just quite anxious for things to go well."

27 Hilariously intoxicated

28. Quirky first-date confession leads to naming their son after husband's tradition

29. The incident still triggers anger and resentment in her, even years later

These stories highlight the power of love's forgiveness and acceptance, as partners overlooked the dumbest choices made during dating and committed to a lifelong journey together. They serve as a reminder that imperfections can strengthen relationships, and it's our ability to grow and learn from mistakes that truly matters.

Let's celebrate the joyous moments shared by these couples and embrace the beauty of love's forgiving nature.