It is highly unlikely that Andrew Kimmel will place this trip to Cabo on his top 10 list. But it was so amazing that he will never forget it. And in time, probably laugh about it. Luckily, he has documented the entire trip so that we can laugh at it now.

And it sounds like it came from a thriller author.

It all started when Andrew was noted that he could lose his status with American Airlines, unless he pays an amount of $1875, or spends at least $275 on a plane ticket. Obviously, he chose to buy a ticket, and a short trip to Cabo, Mexico, sounded excellent.

Dear @AmericanAir,

After arriving back to LA from Indonesia, I was $275 EQDs under (yet 25K miles over) from maintaining status. You asked me to pay $1875 (?!) to keep status, so instead I booked a $400 rt ticket to Mexico for 24 hrs. Here’s how my fucking night went…

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019

Everything started normally. He rented a reasonable car, went out to a restaurant, met some friendly local family that surprised him by paying for his dinner too.

I managed to find a cheap hotel room and rented a car for $35. I went out for a nice dinner and met a family who surprised me and paid for my bill (perhaps I should eat alone more often!). I then decided to hit some bars. And this is where my 24 hour mileage run got interesting.

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019

Andrew didn’t want to call it a night, so he went to a couple of bars. At the last bar of the night, things started to get interesting.

At the last bar of the evening, I was presented with a bill for over $300. I had two beers. The bar manager said I needed to pay or he’d call the police. I give him my credit card and it was declined due to fraud protection, which I found out today as my phone had died earlier.

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019

The bar manager was now threatening me. He grabbed me and brought me to an ATM outside. I refused to take out cash. So he called the police, of which I welcomed. Surely the Mexican police would understand the situation 🤦‍♂️

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019

It was clear to Andrew that the police officers were working with the bar owner, and he was laughing at their well-organized scheme.

Of course the police were working with the bar manager w/ the tourist swindle, so the police handcuff me as the bar manager steals my debit card and passport. I’m put into a police car and sit up front with two officers. We actually got along quite well as I applauded their con.

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019

Three hours later, he was still in custody, even though it was supposed to last just 30 minutes.

The police bring me to a jail somewhere outside of Cabo. I asked if they could at least get my passport back. They laughed and said they’re locking me up for 30 minutes then letting me go. I’m placed in a cell with a guy from the UK who got into a fight.

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

Luckily, he makes friends.

“My fucking wife is going to kill me…” he tells me. I tell him to say someone else started a fight with him… but he knows his wife will call him out his bullshit. I’m still in good spirits at this time. Thirty minutes in a Mexican jail? Could be worse…

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

Three hours goes by. “Capitan? Capitan?” I shout through the bars. It’s now daytime and my cell mate tells me he’s gotta take a shit, but there’s no toilet paper. There is a blanket covering the window, so I suggest he take it off and use that. And he did.

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

In the morning, he was bailed out by a kind Kenyan woman who has been in similar trouble because Uber driver claimed she hadn’t paid him. Two of them quickly started looking for some transportation to take them to the airport.

Now cold and jetlagged from my previous day’s travel from Indonesia, I decide to rest my head on the metal tray bed. My cell mate’s wife found him and posted bail. “Ah fuck, I should just stay in here” he tells me… genuinely worried about the upcoming encounter with his wife.

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

Note: try not to fall asleep in situations like this but try to make friendships with pleasant Kenyans.

I doze off. I’m awoken several hours later by an officer. “Your friend pay bail.” What the fuck? Im given my belongings and shoved outside where a woman from Kenya was waiting for me. “I heard what happened when you came in, so I figured you could use some help.”

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

I thank her over & over and ask what she was arrested for. “I ordered an Uber and the driver said I didn’t pay.” Fuck Cabo. So now the two of us start walking to nowhere and spot a guy chilling in his car. We ask for directions back to the marina and he instead offers us a ride.

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

Cabo, your tourism department would definitely benefit from some reorganization.

Imagine if a Mexican & a Kenyan came up to a car in the US & asked for directions. Anyways, we get to the marina & the Kenyan offers the guy cash… he refuses. It’s now 2:00 & my flight leave at 3:26. The Kenyan joins me to the airport, but unfortunately her flight was at 8:30am

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

At the airport, Andrew has complications because he doesn’t have a passport on him.

I have no fucking clue what I’m going to do. I call passport control in the States to report a stolen passport. They tell me to call the local embassy. I call and they’re closed. I ask my new friend to wait in the car at the airport as I run to the airline desk. It’s now 3:00pm.

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

I tell the airline agent what happened and ask if there is anything I can do to get home. I show her my Real ID (what a stupid fucking name) and a photo of my passport. She gets on the line with CBP and somehow arranges for me to jump on the last flight out without a passport.

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

I’m directed to the immigration desk as the airport and advised I need to purchase a new immigration form for $35. “All I have is my credit card,” I tell them. I’m then redirected to another desk that accepts credit card payments. “We’ll need your passport to process, sir.” pic.twitter.com/WsAZQSuLCV

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

The Kenyan woman is in a mood for some romantics, but Kimmel just wants to get back home.

I run back to my friend in the rental car, tell her I can make the last flight out, but I needed more money 🤦‍♂️ At this point, I’m losing my shit over just about everything, and she grabs my hand, tells me it’ll be ok and then kisses me 😳 I kiss back. What the fuck is happening?

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

It is great when you have friends to help you out when you need them.

My phone finally turns back on. I let my friends know I’m in Mexico without a passport and just spent the night in jail, so I might be a little late for our New Years party tonight. They expressed concern, then bask in my misfortunes. Within one minute, they whip up this gem 👇 pic.twitter.com/MuKe9zECVf

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

“If you don’t make your flight, you can stay with me at my Airbnb,” my jail crush tells me. Fuck. What once was “get me out of Mexico” turned into, “well this could be interesting.” But of course I couldn’t. I came to Mexico for a goddamn mileage run & I’m getting that status ✈️

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

The end of this story is a bit of disappointing for all of us romantic souls out there. Kimmel makes the last flight out of Cabo, but not his party, because he arrived after midnight. He posted:

So to sum it up, I was $275 short for status… was given an offer to maintain for $1875 (!?), took a $400 flight to spend 24hrs in Mexico after 20hrs travel the day before & ended up in a Mexican jail w/ no passport, a $350 bail bill, & an African crush. Happy new year everyone!

— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020

As they say, all’s well that ends well. He came back home safe and sound. A little bit of money lost, that’s all. And passport. And maybe love, but that’s his own fault.

On top of it all, American Airlines replied to his first tweet, and they obviously missed the entire point:

Reaching Executive Platinum status isn’t easy. For those who make it, the benefits are amazing! We’re happy you’ll make your goal!

— American Airlines (@AmericanAir) December 31, 2019

And that is how Andrew Kimmel’s year and decade started. We don’t know how he feels about it now when some time has passed, but for us, it sounded like a blast.