People On Reddit Share Their Strangest "Sleep Talking" Anecdotes

by Damjan

People who are talking in their sleep or sleepwalking have absolutely no idea that it isn't real and sometimes may act in their sleep. And if they dream of a fistfight, then being around them can sometimes even be dangerous.

Kids often sleepwalk, and it's completely normal, but sometimes they can even get out of the house in the middle of the night. They will get down the stairs, unlock the door…And it is a frightening thought.

Luckily, most of the time, sleep talking is hilarious if someone is around to record it. People on Reddit share the strangest sleep talking stories, and we have selected some of the best ones. Enjoy.

1. The burglars are playing with the tinfoil.

My wife will tell me the next day when I do this.

Her favourite story to tell is that she woke up in the middle of the night to find me slowly walking out of our bedroom.

Wife: “Are you ok? What are you doing?”

Me: “There’s somebody downstairs in the kitchen, unrolling the tinfoil”

Wife: “Ooooo-Kay. What’s your plan?”

Me: “I’m going to stop them”

Wife: “Shall we get a bit more sleep then both go down together?”

Me: “Ok”.

And I went back to bed.

Subsequent investigations found a small plastic bag on the floor, near my head, being rustled by the movement of the curtain, the window being open."

– BetamaxTheory

2. Just small talk.

"My girl woke up one night and said “Did you find your rocks?” and I asked her what she was talking about and she said “I don’t know, I’m just trying to make conversation.” and promptly went back to sleep.

She has no recollection of this."

– JWolf886

3. Oh, deer.

"My boyfriend woke me up the other day by gently putting his fingers in my mouth and I kept moving my head out of the way until eventually I was like “can you stop that!!!”

He then sounded genuinely upset and asked why I woke him up as he was having a really nice dream about feeding a deer. Brilliant.

– liv832"

4. Man wants his yoghurt, right now!

"Not my current partner but my ex-boyfriend sometimes talks in his sleep and the funniest story was this one time i was still up reading a book and i hadn’t noticed that he was already asleep next to me. Suddenly he bursts out ” Will you just give me the f*cking yogurt already, Shannon!?” in a flawless british accent and scares the sh*t out of me.

We’re both german and none of our first languages include English. We didn’t know a Shannon. He’s lactose-intolerant.

– stunninglizard"

5. Postcodes

"Sigh; my boyfriend either recites postcodes (delivery driver) or calls the dog in his sleep.

So either he is mad no one is responding to his postcode nonsense or I get a flying 30kg dog to my body"

– quackcurls

6. Very disturbing.

"My aunt likes to tell the story about her and my cousin sharing a hotel room one time. My aunt woke up having to pee, and found my cousin sitting up in bed with her arms folded across her abdomen, kind of rocking back and forth and giggling quietly. When my aunt asked her what she was doing, my cousin said, “I’m holding a baby and it has an adult smile!”

I found this story deeply unsettling."

– Dusty_Old_Bones

7. A kingdom for a horse.

"Once my ex said “horse.” That’s all. Just horse. But with a sense of urgency.

The same ex told me I once sat straight up in bed and mumbled, “Jesus, grandma, you scared the sh*t out of me.”

I had been dreaming that I was in bed at night and my grandma (still alive at the time) wandered into the room and stood at the end of the bed with a blank stare."

– H0lyThr0wawayBatman

8. Those penguins....

"So this one time while my s/o was sleeping, she randomly reaches over and starts to pet my leg softly.

When I ask her what she’s doing she looks at me like I’m stupid and says “what does it look like? I’m petting this fluffy baby penguin.”

Then pauses for a second, pats my leg again and blurts our “Wait this isn’t a penguin!”

I have never laughed so hard over someone talking in their sleep"

– The_gman_109

9. Corner cats and cowboys...

"Fantastic sleep songs with lyrics which are utterly bizarre. My two absolute favourites have been

1) “Oh whoa whoa, it’s a corner cat”

2) “Obey my rules, an’ you’ll always be, a country cowboy” – repeated about 5 times and finished with a “yeaaahhhh.”

– eyeslikeacrab

10. The smartest person in the house.

"My wife started screaming one night that she was lost in the local grocery store.

And that no matter where she went she couldn’t find her way out. I asked her has she tried checking out at the cash registers?

She then looked at me and said in her most sincere voice, “that’s why you are the smartest person I know.” And she rolled over and fell back asleep."

– Thud4444-1

11. Tetris and burglars.

"One night, my boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night, tapping me on my shoulder. He put his finger on his mouth, whispered “shush” to me, then pointed at the door and told me “I can hear something, don’t move.”

Predictably, I nearly sh*t my pants. All the worst possible scenarios crossed my mind, and the moment of silence after he shushed me felt like hours.

Then, he started waving his hands and talking about tetris, ‘the twirlies’ (idk), and making sure we don’t align… And that’s how I learnt my boyfriend talks in his sleep."

– a95z

12. No! Don’t punch him!

"My grandfather was a hard sleep talker , my grandmother has a funny story.

One day my grandfather while sleeping was saying” do i punch this *sshole” my grandmother replayed yeah punch him then my grandfather in his sleep punched her."

– Cocamello

13. Lord of the Rings.

"Ex-roommate talked in his sleep.

Once, he cried out, “NO GANDALF!”

– gullmourne

14. "Sounds like we’re ok then"

"I’m the sleeptalker here; got this from my wife the next morning.

Me: sits bolt upright They’re coming. Everything’s ready.

Wife: sleepily huh?

Me: They’re coming. Everything’s ready.

Wife: They’re coming?

Me: Mmm hmm.

Wife: But everything’s ready?

Me: … yes

Wife: Sounds like we’re ok then.

Me: Comically flops back down and instantly goes back to sleep."

– sgware

15. It wasn’t me.

"He farted very loudly and proceeded to say, “you got the wrong guy”

– dadjokedame