Considering Rehoming My Cat: AITA for Wanting to Give Her Away?

by Damjan

22 Sep 2025

OP thought adopting Gracelyn would be the easy part, but it turned into a full-time standoff. For a month, the 3-year-old cat has acted like OP is a stranger who might hurt her, and the only time Gracelyn even tolerates her is when OP sits still for hours on the couch.

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Now it’s OP, a 19-year-old college student who’s home all day, and her 19-year-old roommate arguing in the same apartment. OP pays for everything, cleans the litter box, and tries treats and play, yet Gracelyn hisses and bolts the second OP moves. Even the shelter story changed, because the lady first said Gracelyn liked cuddling, then later said she hides and doesn’t like being touched.

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And with Gracelyn’s sister already taken by someone else, OP is stuck wondering if giving her away is the only way to end the daily tension.

Original Post

Edit: currently have two cats, one that is strictly outdoor and one inside, which is Gracelyn. I have two cats from my past.

I have not gotten rid of Gracelyn yet. Me, 19f college student, and 19f roommate have been arguing over the fact that my new cat hates me.

I’ve had her for about a month and she absolutely hates me. The only way she comes near me is when I’m sitting on the couch for two hours or more, and she just sits on the opposite side of my other couch and stares. The second I make a move, she runs and hisses. I’ve talked about it to my roommate how I want to get rid of her because she hates me, but my roommate says I’m horrible for doing that.

She’s my cat; I pay for everything, food and litter. I clean her litter box and everything, but my roommate doesn’t want me to get rid of her and says that I can’t and that I shouldn’t, and then I would be horrible for doing that.

I will say when she first got here she did not come out at all. Did not let me touch her, nothing, and now she’ll come up to me for like five minutes and not let me pick her up but just let me pet her on the floor, and then as soon as I move, she runs away and hides.

I asked the lady the first week after getting the cat about her normal behaviors, and the lady said that she likes to hide and doesn’t like being touched, which was the opposite of what she said before. (Said she likes to be cuddled, etc.)

My roommate is very upset about this and how I am considering finding my cat a new home and adopting a kitten instead of an older cat that will like me more.

For some context, the cat’s name is Gracelyn and she is 3 years old. She had a sister cat, but before I adopted her, the lady gave the sister to another family. I do online college and do not work, so I’m home all day every day except for errands.

I attempted to play and give her treats, all of the above, but nothing works. I love cats and I’m very frustrated about this whole situation.

Would I be the A*****e if I gave her up and tried again? Side note: I know animals need to get used to things, but I hate to think that maybe Gracelyn would be happier with other cats.

I already have two cats, one outdoor and one indoor, and she hates my outdoor kitty. I can only afford food for two.

ALSO NOT LOOKING FOR CRITICISM ON HOW MANY CATS I HAVE OR HAVEN’T.

Rehoming a pet can evoke complex emotions, particularly guilt and shame.

When a pet owner considers rehoming, it can reflect broader emotional struggles, such as feelings of inadequacy or failure. The emotional bond between humans and animals can complicate the decision, sometimes leading to a sense of loss or betrayal that can be profound.

Comment from u/Riposte12

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Comment from u/Boring-Definition-

That’s when OP’s roommate starts treating Gracelyn’s behavior like a moral failure instead of a mismatch, even though OP is the one feeding and cleaning her every day.

Behavioral psychology emphasizes the significance of positive reinforcement in building relationships with animals. Research from the University of Pennsylvania suggests that adopting techniques such as clicker training can encourage desired behaviors in pets, fostering a stronger bond.

For Gracelyn, employing these methods might help in overcoming her initial distance. Regularly rewarding her for small interactions, like approaching or purring, could gradually enhance her comfort level with the owner, making the relationship more fulfilling for both.

Comment from u/tekrmn

Comment from u/Krugle_01

In the emotionally charged situation described, the Reddit user grapples with feelings of frustration and disappointment as her new cat, Gracelyn, rejects her attempts at bonding. This dynamic underscores a crucial aspect of pet ownership: the emotional connection between a pet and its owner. The user’s stress and anxiety may inadvertently influence Gracelyn's behavior, leading to a cycle of misunderstanding. Recognizing this connection is vital, as self-care practices such as mindfulness could help the owner create a more positive environment. By addressing her own emotional well-being, she might foster a more welcoming atmosphere for Gracelyn, potentially transforming their relationship and alleviating the thoughts of rehoming.

Comment from u/baobabfruit88

Comment from u/SandiRose88

After the lady’s description flips from “likes to be cuddled” to “she likes to hide,” OP has even less confidence that this is just a phase.

A common dilemma for pet owners is the fear of judgment from friends or family, which can amplify feelings of guilt when considering rehoming. Research shows that social support is crucial in managing stress, and pet owners may benefit from discussing their feelings with supportive individuals.

Engaging in open conversations about the challenges of pet ownership can lessen feelings of isolation and provide different perspectives on the situation. This dialogue can facilitate healthier decision-making processes regarding Gracelyn's future.

Comment from u/Pumkin_Girl

Comment from u/ycantijustleave

Understanding the bonds we form with our pets can mirror those with human relationships.

This echoes the Redditor whose cat only wanted attention from OP, not everyone else.

Comment from u/rockingcrochet

Comment from u/No-Surround2814

The argument really heats up when OP mentions adopting a kitten instead, like Gracelyn’s fear is somehow easier to replace than to understand.

Future pet ownership should involve careful consideration of compatibility. Research in animal behavior emphasizes the importance of matching a pet's temperament with the owner's lifestyle and emotional needs. For example, adopting a kitten, which may have a more flexible temperament, could lead to a more adaptive bond.

Before making a decision, the owner could explore local shelters that allow for trial adoptions. This would enable her to assess compatibility without a long-term commitment initially, providing a safer space for both parties.

Comment from u/ParadiseForKeeps

Comment from u/applesauceisevil

The dilemma faced by the Reddit user highlights the intricate emotional landscape surrounding pet ownership.

Comment from u/ksleeve724

Comment from u/Ill-Appointment-7396

Meanwhile, Gracelyn keeps doing the same routine, staring from across the couch and running off the moment OP moves, like she’s silently begging for an exit.

We're interested in hearing your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Comment from u/ShipComprehensive543

Comment from u/Diuscrusis

The dilemma of rehoming a pet, as illustrated by the Reddit user's situation with Gracelyn, is fraught with emotional complexity. This scenario highlights the often-overlooked emotional turmoil that accompanies such decisions. The user has made efforts to bond with Gracelyn, yet the cat's persistent aloofness has left her feeling rejected and uncertain. This disconnect raises questions about the nature of their relationship and whether it is genuinely beneficial for both parties.

It is crucial for pet owners to reflect on their emotional investment and the realities of pet behavior. Gracelyn's disdain may stem from a variety of factors, including past experiences or her individual personality. Engaging with friends or seeking professional advice could provide the user with essential insights and alternative approaches to managing this relationship. Ultimately, this situation serves as a reminder that the welfare of both the pet and the owner must be considered in making compassionate and informed decisions about rehoming.