Choosing Crumb Over My Boyfriend: AITA for Standing Firm on My Pet Preference?

by Holly

2025-03-24 06:22

Are you ready for an update on the saga of choosing between a significant other and a beloved pet? The original Reddit post stirred up quite the storm, with a myriad of responses ranging from supportive to downright bewildered.

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The consensus seemed to lean towards the notion that the OP was not the one in the wrong, but there were plenty of voices advocating for a 'no a**holes here' stance. In a subsequent conversation with Kyle, things took an interesting turn as apologies were exchanged, ultimatums were rescinded, and attempts at compromise were made.

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However, it quickly became apparent that perhaps Kyle and the OP were just not meant to see eye to eye on certain fundamental issues. Despite efforts to find common ground, it became increasingly clear that their differences were too vast to bridge.

The conversation took a sharp turn when Kyle's insecurities and bizarre accusations came to light, ultimately leading to a dramatic ending that left the OP reevaluating her priorities and relationship standards. As the dust settled, the OP reflected on the importance of finding a partner who not only accepts but also respects her bond with her furry companion.

The Reddit community rallied behind the OP, offering support, well-wishes, and a resounding chorus of 'Team Crumb'. In the end, sometimes the best choice is the hardest one, but it seems like Crumb may have ultimately won this round.

Original Post

Hello! [OG POST](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rodjrq/aita_for_standing_firm_on_my_lack_of_hygiene_and/) First, I want to thank everyone who took the time to respond, upvote, award, & dm me.
I was inundated with responses and really got great feedback from all over the spectrum. It was decided that I was not TA, but there were tons of N A H.
I took every comment to heart. Even ToothbrushGate!

Convo with Kyle: I wanted to talk bc I wanted to hear his reasoning/give a clean break. Honestly, it was a relatively normal, boring conversation...
at first. He apologized for giving me an ultimatum/said that he was just frustrated & would never want to hurt Crumb.
I apologized for laughing at him & for making him feel as though his feelings weren't valid. He said that the "pet thing" was new to him & he wants to work at bonding.

I asked what he meant by punish/crate. He said that by punish he meant spray with water & he didn't realize cats aren't crate animals.
He tried to compromise & say kissing cat's head was gross, but if I brushed my teeth/washed my face after, he would kiss me. The comment I received most was Kyle & I just aren't compatible.
So I said that: although I appreciate his apology & trying to compromise, I don't think in the future it would work. Kyle tried to backpedal a bit & say he can learn to be more flexible, but I kinda got a weird feeling.

I said it isn't fair to either of us to compromise on our comfort. I restated that Crumb is non-negotiable.
He rolled his eyes & asked if I was choosing Crumb over him. He then asked if I was "seriously breaking up with him over a 'stupid animal.'" This shocked me bc it was a 180 of the previous 15 mins.
He said he felt rejected by Crumb and felt if he rejected him first, it would make them even? I said that was concerning bc Crumb is a cat.

He asked how I would feel if he kept kissing animals that weren't me. I said I wouldn't care bc they were animals/not a threat.
He said I was dense & if I clearly didn't care about his boundary of kissing animals, who is to say that I wouldn't kiss everyone. This especially hurt bc I had previously told him about the stigma of being a queer (bisexual) woman and how everyone assumes we cheat/are promiscuous.
I asked if he was jealous of Crumb. He scoffed, said "you're right, this could never work bc you will be a crazy cat lady with no boundaries/hygiene." He said "enjoy being alone forever" & hung up.

Going forward, I will make sure to explain my relationship with my cat to future partners. I need to be with someone that loves animals/at least doesn't feel threatened by them.
Like a lot of you said, I should be with someone that loves both me & Crumb. To answer one of the most asked questions: I sanitized the toothbrush.
I will be getting a new head soon, thanks to my friend. I also got a cap for it.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. If you are interested in future updates, I can post them on my own page.
<3 [Cat Tax included :)](https://www.reddit.com/user/AITA_shower/comments/rprxy2/crumbs_cat_tax_for_update/)