There's a reason we keep pets. They're our companions when no one else is. Our pets don't let us down, they lift us up. They make us smile and laugh, they comfort us when we're down, and they don't ask for much in return for their undying devotion. In fact, a lot of pets like dogs and cats are incredibly resilient to how awful humankind can be to animals. They persevere lovingly and affectionately when abandoned and abused. They forgive more than most creatures could ever imagine.

It only makes sense that our pets would be the center of our universes. What makes a little less sense are the copious amounts of weird freaking nicknames we bestow upon them. You think I'm kidding or exaggerating? You're in for a big (hilarious) surprise.

A dog named Cooper.

If my dog's name was Cooper, I would definitely call him Pooper-Cooper, or Coop The Poop.

A dog named Cesare

I have no idea how most of these nicknames make sense.