Pet Lovers Open Up About The Sweet Ways Dog Owners Can Build Lasting Bonds With Their Pets
Some people think the sweetest dog bond is all big moments and tail wags. But in this story, it’s the tiny nightly rituals that hit hardest, like the Border Collie who practically escorts her person into sleep, nudging, trilling, and then settling in for the kind of snuggling that makes the whole room feel safe.
And then there’s the complicated side of love, the kind that takes years of quiet patience. A mom brings home an older shelter dog, the one who cowers in the corner because she was abused and never learned that hands can be gentle, but somehow she still has a “good heart,” because she once cared for puppies that were not her own.
One dog learns to trust again, and the other quietly turns bedtime into a shared routine, so the question becomes: how do you earn a bond that deep?
Have the doggo put you to sleep.
Hands down, this.
She puts me to bed every night, encouraging me with barks, whines, and even nudging. She is a Border Collie, after all.
Then she snuggles with me, making happy, quiet sounds—grunts, groans, moans, and this trilling sound I never knew a dog could make.
It's utter joy for both of us. I can't describe how much this means to me. You can see by her gray muzzle that my girl is getting old.
I treasure every moment, but these are my favorites. My Frankie.
Patience is necessary, especially with dogs with a history of abuse.
Patience.
When my mother brought home an older (7 or so?) shelter dog that had been abused, she did not even look at us but would cower in a corner. She brought her home because the dog had taken care of puppies that were not her own in the shelter, and my mom said she must have a “good heart.”
The dog kept her distance for a long time. She wasn’t aggressive; she would never lash out, but was clearly just scared.
We would sit on the floor, talk to her, listen to soft music, and just hang out. Slowly but surely, she wouldn’t cower when we would pet her (always approaching gently and slowly). She then started to sit in rooms we were also in, and then…one day, she sat on my feet. It was amazing.
It had taken her a long time, and it would literally be a few years before she would do any more than that. She loved just touching you.
That dog would live to be almost 20 years old…she would become mostly deaf and partially blind, but she slept on/shared my pillow until I went off to college.
I don’t know what had happened to her prior to meeting us, but I was so very grateful that she found a wonderful family to spend her life with. She would roam the farm, chase chickens, go on vacations, and spend evenings on the porch.
She was complex, beautiful, loving, completely loyal, and my best buddy.
A lot of people think a 7-year-old dog is “too old,” or they overlook them…they might not all live as long as ours did—but man, older dogs are just the best.
Best of luck as you navigate the journey with your dog…hang in there—it’s worth it.
A dog trainer's take:
Three things…
It's called a “Long Line”…
He delivers his advice step-by-step.
Attach one end to your dog and the other to yourself. Do not allow your dog to leave your side for the next few weeks. Asleep or away, no matter where you go, your dog goes with you.
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It's called a “Treat Bag”…
And at the end of his post, suggests a book about dog training.
Put your dog's food bowl away, put his entire day's food allotment in that bag first thing in the morning, and then HAND FEED your dog throughout the day.
Your dog should receive NOTHING by mouth that does not come from your hand.
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It's called a “Training Plan”…
Follow a recognized plan in Basic Obedience Training. (Yes, that book is my recommendation.)
Hold several short formal sessions each day for the next few weeks, using your dog's food as rewards.
Despite a dog's history of abuse, it will still want to trust and bond with a human.
You’ve got some good answers. Patience, patience, patience.
A great trick I learned is that I will read to an abused dog for 1 hour every night at exactly the same time. I usually feed at the same time, but I place the food far away from me.
Guinness was so petrified that he tried to hide behind the toilet—a 110-pound Rottweiler. Only his head would fit.
It took several weeks (he really likes Jim Butcher and the ‘Harry Dresden Files’), but he slowly relaxed and got closer.
Trust me, they CRAVE trust and bonding, but they are reticent to supply it if they’ve been punished for showing trust in the past.
No fast motions, don’t rush it, keep your voice calm and even.
Please keep me posted—you are my hero for snagging an abused shelter dog!!!!
Treats are the way to a dog's heart.
Sit near the dog, talking softly. Don’t reach out for the dog or even look at it.
Have some really good-smelling treats with you. Microwaved hot dogs are good.
This is going to take time. At first, you will do nothing with the treats.
Don’t make any sudden moves. Enter and leave the area on your knees.
You don’t want to spook her or make her feel like you are dominating her. Should she move towards you even slightly, toss a treat near her.
Don’t throw it; just toss it lightly. Most likely, the first few times you try this, she is not going to react if she is that subdued.
But sooner or later, she will approach you. Do not reach out for her; let her make first contact.
Should she reach the point of laying her head against you, then you may attempt to touch her. Always allow her to retreat, and you need to be willing to retreat also.
Reward any movement towards you with a treat. Keep talking softly so she gets used to the sound of your voice.
Dogs have been bred to need humans; let that fact work for you. But make sure all movements and changes are her idea.
Make it fun and interesting.
Play, train, and do all the funny stuff your dog likes.
If it's jumping over fences??? Catching sticks or balls???
Play hide and seek????
Sniff out good hiding spots????
And pet the dog, hug, rub, and talk to him!
That nightly “put me to sleep” routine with the Border Collie, nudges and all, is what makes the next part feel so raw and real.
Also, if you’ve ever felt pushed to the edge like the annoyed resident with the neighbor’s noisy dog, here’s what went wrong when he told the dog to “shut up”.
Meanwhile, the mom who brings home the abused shelter dog does not get instant progress, she gets distance, cowering, and a long stretch of just sitting on the floor together.
Then, after years of gentle petting and soft music, the moment she finally sits on OP’s feet feels like the first real breakthrough.
And when that same dog grows mostly deaf and partially blind, she still shares the pillow and keeps living on the porch, on the farm, and in the family’s everyday life.
Among the different suggestions from owners, one piece of advice stands out: patience.
The best bonds are built in the quiet moments, when trust finally shows up, years later, and stays.
Want to know how Frankie’s bedtime-bonding compares to the crate training struggle, read how owners handled bumpy crate steps and separation anxiety in this crate training guide.
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