Mom Lets Autistic Son Build Mini Animal Kingdom, Now Her Stepdaughter Says It’s “Unfair,” And Reddit Has Thoughts
A Redditor recently turned to the internet with a family dilemma that has animal lovers, parents, and blended families weighing in. The OP explained that her 17-year-old son is autistic, and from a very young age, animals have been his special interest.
While other kids watched cartoons, he preferred Animal Planet. By age four, he was already correcting adults on how to safely approach dogs. Clearly, the kid knew his stuff.
After a major milestone when he was seven, the OP agreed to let him get a cat. He promptly convinced her to get two, armed with facts about bonding and animal welfare.
That decision kicked off what would become a carefully managed menagerie. Over the years, his collection of pets has grown, all housed in his room and all cared for by him.
He budgets his pocket money, researches extensively, and even got accepted into an animal college — something many people once doubted would ever happen. The OP couldn’t be prouder.
Things became complicated after the OP remarried. Her husband has a teenage daughter who splits time 50/50 between households.
The daughter has taken an interest in the son’s pets and now wants a hamster. The problem? She’s gone every other week, doesn’t want to research proper care, and wouldn’t be responsible for expenses or daily upkeep.
The OP said no — and that’s where the tension exploded. The stepdaughter accused the family of favoritism, claimed they were unfair, and even told the son he “ruined her life,” deeply upsetting him.
The husband suggested buying the hamster anyway and handling the care themselves, but the OP pushed back, citing common hamster neglect and inconsistent care.
With family dogs, shared cats, and access to some of her son’s friendlier animals, the OP feels she’s offered reasonable alternatives. Still, she’s torn — and asking Reddit: Is she the bad guy for standing her ground?
The stepdaughter accused the family of favoritism, claimed they were unfair, and even told the son he "ruined her life."
Here's the original post by Reddit user 'bsbsbsbsbssbafy'.
My son (17) is autistic, and his special interest has always been animals and their behaviour and care. He never liked kids shows and he'd only ever watch animal planet. At four years old he was much better with animals than I was, and even wound up reminding me not to approach random dogs a few times.
So, at age seven after a pretty big milestone, I finally gave in and let him get a cat. A friend had a litter, and he wound up talking me into getting two with more facts about how they do better in pairs. And so, first two members of our family.
Over the past ten years his animal collection has grown, and he has a pretty big family in his room. He pays for them himself, (I technically pay for them, but he spends all his pocket money on them) and before asking if he can get a new one he sits in his room and works out his money to see if he could afford one. Overall, he's a smart kid and I'm really proud of him. He was accepted into an animal college where he's getting all his qualifications to get a job, something people doubted he'd ever do.
He's come so far and so I'm happy to indulge him in his special interests, helping with particularly expensive vet bills. Six years ago, though, I finally got back into dating and I've been married for a little over four years now. My husband has a teenage daughter, and she's relatively sweet. She didn't adjust to her father being in a new relationship very well, but we've gotten along more and more over the years.
She's been pretty interested in my son's pets, and has asked for a few already. The thing is, there is 50/50 custody and so spends every other week with her mum. My sons deal is he does all of the care, and she wouldn't be able to if she spends a week at her mothers (not to mention she wants a hamster and practically refuses research, which is upsetting to my son as hamster neglect is incredibly common).
She's angry because we're being unfair. I explained that we aren't, she needs to be here to look after her pet. She claims we're treating them differently, and my husband thinks we should just buy her one and do the care while she's not here. It's also well known hamsters don't make good pets. You can't do much with them. Not to mention she doesn't have a job and is currently spending all her allowance on herself so she probably wouldn't pay for the hamster.
We have family dogs and family cats, as well as my sons cats and his dog who spend a lot of time with family, so it's not like she never sees pets. My son also likes handling his animals so she can play with some of his friendlier pets. It's not like we aren't giving her options, but still, she claims that she hates us and my son is obviously our favourite. She also told him he ruined her life which upset him quite a bit. AITA? I don't really want to give in to her, but we might anyway.
Here's how the Reddit community reacted.
"It's not her fault she has to live in two separate homes."
NTA.
No wonder she's upset!
"She needs to be willing to commit her time and money."
"You’re punishing her for having to split her time between her family."
YTA.
"You are treating her differently."
Hamsters are easy to take care of.
"It’s not the girls fault her parents got divorced."
Seems unfair to me.
"There's a simple solution."
"It's pretty obvious you favor your son."
For now, the OP is holding her boundary, focusing on responsibility and the well-being of the animals. But with hurt feelings and family tensions rising, she’s left wondering whether standing firm is the right call — or if compromise will eventually win out.
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