The Most Important Skills Every Cat Owner (Slave) Needs To Master
Owning a cat is never as simple as it looks, especially once one tiny creature starts running the whole house. These little chaos machines are funny, stubborn, affectionate, and completely convinced that every surface, snack, and sleeping spot belongs to them.
This roundup leans into that reality with a playful visual guide to cat ownership, from the daily power struggle over personal space to the strange little habits every cat person learns to accept. If you already live with a cat, it will feel painfully familiar. If you do not, consider this your warning.
1. What's worse? Cats or toddlers?
You can hide from a toddler, but you cannot hide from a cat. If kitty wants that treat, kitty is coming for you.
2. Love Bites.
If you can convince yourself that those are bites of love, then you're headed to good places.
3. Top Priority:
You need to know the preferred petting places. This graphic should do nicely.
That is usually where the cat starts making the schedule.
4. Playing off our previous advice:
Do not pet the tummy. It's a trap.
5. The moment.
You need to learn the moment "that's just right" becomes "that's too much; death is imminent."
6. Choices?
You don't choose the cat life; the cat life chooses you.
Cat owners know that choice is mostly an illusion.
This “I can’t hide from kitty” energy is straight out of the 15+ feline situations any cat owner will recognize.
7. Never. Move. Again.
Once the cat life chooses you, prepare to hold your pee for a really, really, really, REALLY long time. Never disturb the kitty.
8. Speaking of Cats versus Toddlers...
Your cat won't let you pee alone, either. Prepare for it.
9. Learn Patience. Practice Patience.
You're going to need a lot of it when your cat takes 10 steps in and 10 steps out about 20 times before deciding that a little bit of both works best.
10. All your things belong to cat.
You will no longer do anything alone. And if kitty can't sleep on your computer, then kitty will make sure you can't use it comfortably alone.
And somehow, the cat always acts like it was obvious.
11. Acquire new tastes.
Hair eventually enhances flavor.
12. The great kitty alarm clock.
Throw out your alarm clock; you have a cat now.
13. Reading body language and facial expressions is important.
Is this the face of a kitty excited to see you or ready to murder you? You'll be ready for a cat when you can answer correctly.
14. One-sided conversations!
Your cat is a vocal creature, but it's time to get used to one-sided conversations. You have a lot more to say than kitty.
At this point, the cat has clearly won the argument.
15. Master the Sneeze.
If you can't figure out how to sneeze quietly, then you're doomed.
16. Whose bed is it anyway?
Not yours anymore, pal. Not yours anymore.
Want more chaos like the cat-sitting owner who made a “royal treatment” manual? Read her ultimate cat-sitting guide.
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