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A Cat Owner Has To Decide Whether To Give Back The Cat She Was Asked To Foster Knowing That Her Friend Would Be An Irresponsible Pet Owner

Jesse
by Jesse
28 Sep 2022

One cat, one favor, and one friend who may not be ready for pet ownership, that is where this Reddit story starts. The original poster agreed to foster a stray cat after her friend found it, but the more she learned, the less confident she felt about giving the animal back.

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What makes it messy is that the friend wants the cat, but does not seem prepared to handle vet care, money, or the responsibility that comes with it. The OP, who already knows cats well, is now stuck between loyalty to a friend and doing what she thinks is best for the kitten.

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And once the boyfriend gets involved, the whole situation gets even more complicated.

OP may have just saved a cat from an irresponsible owner

OP may have just saved a cat from an irresponsible owner
u/thwoorps
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OP is a self-proclaimed "crazy cat lady," and when her friend asked her to cat-sit a stray she found, OP said yes.

Her former co-worker asked OP to keep the cat for a while because her apartment doesn't allow her to have one. After a few minutes of prodding, OP realized that her friend knew nothing about this stray she chanced upon — she hadn't even brought him to the vet.

When OP told her that she had to book an appointment to get the cat fixed and vaccinated, the friend just responded in confusion. That was a month ago, and OP's friend hasn't asked about the cat since.

OP is a self-proclaimed "crazy cat lady," and when her friend asked her to cat-sit a stray she found, OP said yes.
u/thwoorps

OP realized that her friend cannot care for this cat well and gave her an ultimatum: show her that she has the money to take the cat to the vet within two weeks, or OP will keep the cat herself.

OP realized that her friend cannot care for this cat well and gave her an ultimatum: show her that she has the money to take the cat to the vet within two weeks, or OP will keep the cat herself.
u/thwoorps

Here is where the foster situation starts to turn into a real standoff.

The decision to return a fostered cat to an irresponsible pet owner presents a significant ethical dilemma rooted in attachment and responsibility. The emotional bond formed during fostering can complicate the decision-making process, often leading to internal conflict.

Research indicates that individuals may experience 'moral distress' when faced with situations that challenge their ethical beliefs, particularly when the well-being of an animal is at stake. Understanding these psychological dynamics can aid individuals in navigating their feelings of guilt and responsibility.

The responsibility of ensuring a safe and loving environment for an animal often comes with difficult choices, especially when considering the long-term well-being of the pet versus the desires of the friend.

Research in animal welfare emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the animal's best interests, which can be challenging when personal relationships are involved.

OP had to get yelled at by her friend's boyfriend, but it seems her friend is coming to her senses and realizing that she is not fit to be a responsible cat owner.

OP had to get yelled at by her friend's boyfriend, but it seems her friend is coming to her senses and realizing that she is not fit to be a responsible cat owner.
u/thwoorps

Could the cat be someone's pet instead of a found stray, as OP's friend said?

Could the cat be someone's pet instead of a found stray, as OP's friend said?
Absolut_Iceland

OP said the kitten was found by the side of the road, but they will check at the vet just to be sure.

OP said the kitten was found by the side of the road, but they will check at the vet just to be sure.
thwoorps

That question about whether the cat might already belong to someone adds another layer to the mess.

The fear of potential neglect or harm to the animal can lead to significant internal conflict.

None of the information we've read from OP's story suggests that her friend could be a good cat owner.

None of the information we've read from OP's story suggests that her friend could be a good cat owner.
PatchworkGirl82

On the other hand, OP is an experienced cat owner and is more than capable of providing for this additional kitten.

On the other hand, OP is an experienced cat owner and is more than capable of providing for this additional kitten.
thwoorps

An interesting take: OP did nothing wrong morally, but she could be legally held accountable for "stealing" her friend's cat.

An interesting take: OP did nothing wrong morally, but she could be legally held accountable for "stealing" her friend's cat.
Ok_Captain2438

The cat is already becoming the center of a bigger fight than anyone expected.

It echoes the AITA debate over whether OP should have stopped her friend from adopting a rescue cat.

Understanding the Emotional Stakes in Pet Ownership

Research in social psychology suggests that the emotional bonds formed with pets often resemble familial relationships.

OP says that she's pretty sure they have no paperwork to prove that the cat is theirs.

OP says that she's pretty sure they have no paperwork to prove that the cat is theirs.
thwoorps

The commenter replied that, given the people OP's friends are, this could end badly for her.

The commenter replied that, given the people OP's friends are, this could end badly for her.
Ok_Captain2438

OP doesn't agree because she believes they don't have the financial capacity to actually sue her.

OP doesn't agree because she believes they don't have the financial capacity to actually sue her.
thwoorps

Now the paperwork, or lack of it, is part of the argument too.

In this case, the woman's desire to protect the cat can create conflict with her friend's wishes, leading to a moral dilemma.

Being aware of these psychological dynamics can help individuals navigate their feelings more effectively and approach the situation with empathy.

In case they get funny ideas, OP has to cover her bases and save some proof to show her friend won't be a fit cat owner.

In case they get funny ideas, OP has to cover her bases and save some proof to show her friend won't be a fit cat owner.
BadAdviceGiver666

We don't think OP will be reporting her friend to get blacklisted by the shelters. Besides, it's the boyfriend who is a piece of work.

We don't think OP will be reporting her friend to get blacklisted by the shelters. Besides, it's the boyfriend who is a piece of work.
thwoorps

We think the cat feels the same about finding OP.

We think the cat feels the same about finding OP.
[deleted]

Strategies for Effective Communication in Ethical Dilemmas

Open discussions about responsibilities, expectations, and concerns can help clarify misunderstandings and promote cooperation.

Studies in conflict resolution indicate that proactive communication can enhance relationships and lead to more satisfactory outcomes.

OP replied that she's 100% in charge of paying for everything the cat needs.

OP replied that she's 100% in charge of paying for everything the cat needs.
Saraqael_Rising

Let's be honest, a person who is really concerned about the cat they found would have shown more interest than OP's friend.

Let's be honest, a person who is really concerned about the cat they found would have shown more interest than OP's friend.
Direct_Drawing_8557

If she was that clueless, she probably would have done something wrong eventually that would be harmful to the cat.

If she was that clueless, she probably would have done something wrong eventually that would be harmful to the cat.
Jiang_Rui

That is why the comments keep circling back to the same point.

It's not really about how her friend feels; it's about what's best for the cat, and having OP care for him seems to be the right decision.

It's not really about how her friend feels; it's about what's best for the cat, and having OP care for him seems to be the right decision.
SunnyBunnyHopHop

OP was spot on when she guessed that her friend would be a poor cat owner given their initial interaction.

OP was spot on when she guessed that her friend would be a poor cat owner given their initial interaction.
EdgrrAllenPaw

OP would have given her friend the chance to care for the stray she found if she had shown any interest in actually taking care of him. She had a month to show OP that she researched cats and was more ready to be a responsible owner, but she didn't.

At the end of the day, OP did what she thought was best for the kitten. Let's hope OP's friend learned from this, and when she's in a better position, maybe then she can consider having a pet.

Building Resilience Through Reflection and Empathy

The concept of resilience is essential when navigating ethical dilemmas in pet care. Individuals who develop resilience can better manage stress and maintain healthy relationships even during challenging situations.

Research indicates that engaging in reflective practices can enhance resilience and improve communication skills, ultimately benefiting all parties involved.

Encouraging individuals to reflect on their experiences can lead to valuable insights and foster personal growth. This self-awareness can help prevent future conflicts and promote healthier interactions.

Incorporating resilience-building activities into daily routines can create a more balanced approach to navigating ethical dilemmas.

The situation faced by the cat owner illustrates the profound ethical dilemmas that accompany pet fostering.

The situation faced by the cat owner in deciding whether to return the cat she was asked to foster encapsulates the intricate balance between emotional attachment and social responsibility. The article illustrates that fostering a pet is not merely about providing temporary shelter; it involves a deep commitment to the animal's welfare. The owner's awareness of her friend's potential irresponsibility underscores the vital importance of understanding what it truly means to be a responsible pet owner. The emotional ties that develop during fostering can complicate decisions, but they also highlight the need for an honest assessment of one's capabilities and the impact on the animal's future. A thoughtful approach to these dilemmas can guide individuals toward making more compassionate decisions that prioritize the well-being of the animal.

Wait until you see how the friend tried to get the cat back after five months.

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