Mother Of Four Tells Her Child-Free Sister To Stop Fostering Dogs So She Can Babysit Her Children For Free
Some family favors come with a hidden price tag, and this one landed squarely on a child-free sister who loves fostering dogs. A mother of four says her sister used to babysit two or three of her kids for free, but that arrangement changed once an elderly chihuahua entered the picture.
The dog needed a calm environment, so the sister could no longer watch the children the way she had before. When the dog finally found a home, the mom assumed her babysitting backup was back, but her sister had other plans.
That is where Reddit stepped in, and the reaction was not kind. Was she wrong to ask her sister to stop fostering?
Much to OP's disappointment, her sister told her that there's another dog she will be fostering soon.
This means she can't babysit OP's children as much. Side note: even when she's fostering dogs, OP's sister still comes over in the morning to watch over OP's children.
After hearing her sister's news, OP felt stressed all over again. Desperate for help, OP opened up about her struggles in the past months while her sister was fostering dogs.
She told her that she hasn't been sleeping much, how her husband isn't helping out as much, and other personal things she's trying to cope with. Then she asked the big question.
OP asked her sister to stop fostering more dogs so she can babysit for her. The sister was sympathetic to OP's issues, but she didn't agree and said she needed to think about it.
OP says she felt guilty asking her sister this, but she doesn't have anyone else to rely on. Her friends have their own kids to mind, her husband is depressed and unable to help as much, plus they can't afford a long-term babysitter.
The biggest reason of all, according to OP, is that her children should be prioritized over a dog, and that's the reason she had to ask. OP says she shared her story with other people and received "heavily biased" answers.
OP says she wouldn't ask her sister this favor if she didn't want to do it. She wants to know if it's wrong to be honest about her struggles and ask a favor earnestly.
Before saying OP was wrong, you can read her original post below:
"I could finally breathe a sigh of relief."
"Please don't get another dog"
After receiving a lot of comments telling her she's wrong, OP added more information about herself as a mother and why she couldn't ask her husband to help out more. You can read the update below:
"Leave my husband alone, though."
Reddit wasted no time telling OP that she was very much in the wrong here.
Reddit did not hold back on this one.
What's not clicking here, sis?
You should be able to tell after one or two kids if caring for and raising them is too much for you. If it's too much, stop making more babies.
A mom of two shared her own experience of taking care of her own children and how she came to the realization she can't handle more.
The story was all about her, wasn't it? She expressed how much she struggled and felt that her sister should help her with her kids because there's no one else to pick up the slack.
I fear OP's sister is way too kind to actually leave her alone despite the entitlement.
THIS: your kids may be the world to you, OP, but not to anyone else. Not even your own sister.
OP replied to one comment in the entire discussion. Someone reaffirmed her that she wasn't wrong for feeling that she had a right to ask her sister to stop fostering ailing dogs in order to babysit for her.
One commenter took a more sympathetic tone, but still pushed back hard.
This chaos is like the bender that left a puppy behind, then blew up when it was rehomed.
Feeling for OP's struggles, this redditor says people should get off their high horse and examine the double standard here.
They said the only possible a**hole in the situation is OP's husband.
OP thanked the commenter above for understanding her complex situation, which others have oversimplified, thereby judging her too harshly.
In this day and age, mental health problems aren't "get-out-of-jail-free" cards. As an adult, OP's husband has the responsibility to address his issues in order to be an actual father to his children.
Using the mental health card as an excuse to be an absent parent is never okay.
His depression doesn't exclude him from his child-rearing responsibilities.
The most upvoted comment says OP's own choices led her to this unfortunate situation, and no one else is responsible for that.
Just because OP's sister is child-free doesn't mean OP's life and family take priority over her own.
Before OP added that her husband is struggling with mental health issues, people were clamoring for him to step up to the task.
After the additional information, the commenter said they understand OP's situation, but her entitlement to her sister's time and labor is still wrong.
Looking deeper, OP may have unconscious bias about her child-free sister. Although not said out loud, some still consider child-free people as less than those who choose to have kids.
In the end, no matter her motivation for asking her sister this "favor," OP is still wrong to expect her sister to free her time and effort to prioritize OP's needs. The mother of four was obviously fishing for people to take her side, and when most told her she was wrong, she refused to acknowledge any fault.
For her children's sake, OP should start actively encouraging her husband to address his mental health problems head-on. Their children are their own responsibility, and just because you are struggling with your own problems, you have the capacity as an adult to address those.
OP's sister is a saint for already going above and beyond what any sibling should do to help out. It is not up to her to care for a stressed-out mom, four young kids, and sympathize with an absent father.
Before you take sides, read how “quiet time” turned into a pet-sitting boundary fight with her sister.
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