AITA for Not Returning "Their" Dog After Six Years?

by Davy

16 Sep 2025

A 26-year-old woman found a 3-month-old Newfy puppy under her apartment stairs and, for six years, Buddy basically became her roommate. The landlord loved the dog but couldn’t keep him, so she stepped in, searched for the owner, and never found a single lost-dog sign. Case closed, right?

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Then she posts Buddy’s story in a Newfy Facebook group, and a man messages her saying he lost that exact puppy in his tiny town, back when the kids were small. He has proof, unique markings, and even a video of Buddy doing the same “kangaroo sit” belly-rub trick. He wants to pick Buddy up himself, like it’s a simple swap.

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But the kicker is that Buddy went missing a month after they got him, and now the family is showing up six years later mad that they might not get their dog back.

Original Post

Here's the deal. I'm a 26-year-old woman, and I found a 3-month-old Newfy pup, Buddy, under my apartment stairs six years ago.

My landlord loved him but couldn't care for him, so I offered to help look for his family.

I couldn't find any lost dog signs in my county or the five nearby ones. My landlord said I could keep him.

I was happy because I loved Buddy. Recently, I shared Buddy's story and some pictures on a Newfy Facebook group.

A man messaged me. He said he lost a puppy that looked just like Buddy six years ago.

He lives two and a half hours away in the next state. He sent a photo and video of Puppy Buddy.

I knew it was him. He said they only made posters in his small town of 800 people.

He told me Buddy went missing a month after they got him. They thought he had died.

His two kids were young when Buddy went missing. Now, they're in middle and high school.

We chatted a bit. He wanted to set up a meeting.

I thought he wanted to see Buddy. I said I was busy, but okay.

Then he said he could pick Buddy up. I was shocked.

I asked if he wanted Buddy back. He said yes.

I told him I've cared for Buddy for six years. I don't think Buddy remembers them.

He got mad. He said he'd told his kids Buddy was coming back home.

They'd paid $3,000 for him. His family got two more dogs after losing Buddy.

I listened to a similar story on this sub on my way to work. The man who found the lost dog was voted the a*****e.

Now, I'm wondering if I'm the a*****e.

He showed me the flyer from 2015 and proof from the breeder. Buddy has unique markings.

He sits up like a kangaroo for belly rubs. They sent me a video of them teaching him that.

They didn't abandon Buddy. Their other dogs needed surgeries and are high maintenance.

They took good care of them. I found posts about losing Buddy on his 2015 profile.

Emotional Attachment and Animals

These emotional attachments often encompass profound feelings of love, unwavering loyalty, and a deep-seated sense of responsibility toward the animal. It’s fascinating to consider how pets become integral parts of our lives, shaping our emotional landscapes in ways that are often profound and lasting. In this particular case, the bond you've nurtured with Buddy over the span of six years is undeniably significant. Losing him could evoke intense feelings of grief and loss, akin to the emotional turmoil experienced when losing a cherished loved one.

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Research by Topál et al. (2008) emphasizes that dogs develop unique attachments to their caregivers, which can significantly influence their emotional well-being and behavior. This bond is not just a simple preference; it is a deep-seated connection that affects how dogs experience the world around them. Buddy has likely formed a secure bond with you, making separation potentially distressing for him, as he may feel anxious or uncertain when you're not around.

Recognizing this attachment is crucial when considering the dog's overall happiness in the decision-making process. Understanding the emotional needs of your pet can lead to a more harmonious living situation and a stronger relationship between you and Buddy. Taking into account his feelings and attachment can help ensure that both of you thrive in your shared environment.

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The whole thing starts when the landlord basically hands Buddy off, then OP spends months searching for signs in her county and the surrounding ones with nothing to show for it.

The Principle of Fairness

From a psychological standpoint, fairness plays a significant role in moral dilemmas. Fehr and Schmidt (1999) argue that humans have an inherent inclination towards fairness, which can complicate emotional decisions in various contexts. This intrinsic desire for equity often leads individuals to grapple with their emotions, especially when faced with choices that impact their relationships and well-being.

In this scenario, you might feel a profound sense of injustice if you were to lose Buddy, despite having cared for him lovingly for many years. Such a loss could evoke feelings of betrayal and sorrow, underscoring the emotional weight that fairness carries in our lives. The interplay of these feelings illustrates how our moral compass is often influenced by our perceptions of fairness, ultimately shaping our decisions and reactions in challenging situations.

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However, Buddy's feelings should also be a priority in any decision-making process. Understanding that Buddy may suffer emotionally can significantly help guide your decision. The bond between a pet and its owner is profound, and it is essential to consider how any choices made could affect Buddy's well-being. This realization adds another layer to the moral complexity of the situation, as it forces us to weigh our own needs against the emotional needs of our beloved companions.

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That’s when the Facebook message hits, and suddenly OP is staring at a photo, video, and a 2015 flyer that match Buddy’s unique markings.

It’s like the couple who tried to reclaim a dog given to a friend, but the keeper refused.

Moral decision-making is a multifaceted process that involves a delicate balance between emotional and rational factors. This interplay necessitates a thorough examination of both your personal emotions and the claims made by the owner, as understanding these elements can significantly shape the outcome of your decision.

In navigating this ethical dilemma, it may prove advantageous to carefully weigh the emotional costs associated with your choices alongside the fundamental principles of ownership and fairness. By doing so, you can arrive at a more balanced perspective that honors both your feelings and the rights of others. Ultimately, this reflective process can lead to more just and thoughtful decisions in complex situations.

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If you choose to return Buddy, it's essential to prepare for the emotional aftermath that often accompanies such a decision. Recognizing that it’s completely normal to grieve can significantly aid you in processing the experience in a healthy way.

During this challenging time, consider reaching out for support from friends or family members who can provide comfort and understanding. Alternatively, speaking with a professional can offer valuable insights and coping strategies tailored to your situation. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network can make a profound difference as you navigate through your feelings and emotions. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and taking the time to heal is crucial for your well-being.

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When the man says he can pick Buddy up, OP flips the script and asks if he really wants the dog back, because six years is a long time to “return” someone.

Coping with Loss and Change

To navigate similar dilemmas effectively in the future, consider implementing a proactive approach that emphasizes prevention and clarity. Start by keeping a detailed record of Buddy's microchip information, which can serve as crucial evidence of ownership. Alternatively, adopting a pet from a reputable shelter not only provides a loving home but also helps clarify ownership issues from the outset.

Immediate actions should include ensuring Buddy's identification is up-to-date, including tags and microchip registration. In the short term, it's beneficial to engage in open discussions with friends and family about pet ownership responsibilities, which can foster a collaborative environment for caring for pets. Over the longer term, take the time to educate yourself on local pet adoption laws and the emotional impacts that changes in ownership can have on pets, ensuring a well-rounded understanding of the responsibilities involved.

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We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

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In navigating the complex decision of whether to return Buddy, the emotional attachments at play cannot be overlooked. After six years of companionship, the bond formed between you and Buddy is profound, making the prospect of separation not only challenging but emotionally taxing. It raises questions about fairness and the well-being of a dog who has likely come to see you as his primary caregiver.

The situation also highlights the necessity of reflecting on your feelings and the implications of your choices. Engaging with others who have faced similar dilemmas may shed light on the nuances of your predicament, offering perspectives that can aid in your decision-making process. This exchange of insights could reveal options that align with both your emotional needs and Buddy's best interests.

Ultimately, taking a comprehensive approach to this decision—considering your bond with Buddy, the fairness of the situation, and his overall welfare—will lead to a more informed and compassionate outcome for everyone involved.

Now OP has to decide if Buddy is “their” dog anymore, or if the family’s timing makes them the a*****e.

For round two of this dog-ownership fight, see the man who sold his dog, regretted it, and demanded it back.

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