Girlfriend Allows Cuddly Dog On The Bed, But Her Boyfriend Yells Violently At It When It Does
A 28-year-old woman says her cuddly dog is allowed on the bed, because, honestly, the dog just wants to be close. Everything is fine until her boyfriend decides the rules in their bedroom, then turns loud and violent the moment the dog settles in.
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In the middle of a normal night, he starts yelling at the dog like it’s some kind of crime scene, while she stands there calling him her “boyfriend” anyway. The complicated part is that the yelling is not a one-off mood, it’s a controlling pattern, and the dog is the thing he targets first.
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This is not how a boyfriend should be treating his girlfriend.
I can fully understand why your dog is allowed on your bed, as he is cuddly. You call this guy your “boyfriend” despite his screaming, yelling, and controlling bad behaviors.
I don’t care how “cuddly” this guy is; he is already violent. The more you allow it, the more likely you and your dog will be victims of whatever escalation he decides upon in the heat of the moment.
He is not your boyfriend.
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This user hit the mark.
You have to choose between your boyfriend and your dog.
Trust me, everyone who read your post is rooting for the dog.
If the woman wants the best for her life, she should leave the guy and start preparing for life without him.
(1) Keep said boyfriend away from your dog. Next thing you know, this total jerk will be hitting and kicking your dog instead of just yelling.
If possible, find a temporary home for your dog with a family member or friend while you deal with (2), (3), and (4) - see below.
(2) Start preparing for a life without said boyfriend because he’s an abuser, and before long, his psychological abuse will turn into physical abuse, total control, and isolating you from family and friends. Get your finances in order, open a new bank account, and put away some money from each paycheck.
Save your money and start looking for a new place. Be ready to file a police report and/or get a restraining order if things go further south.
(3) If your company has an EAP (Employee Assistance Program), ask for financial advice, legal assistance, or mental health counseling if you are feeling overwhelmed or need help figuring out a plan - or ask your primary health care provider for referrals.
This user would kick him out the moment he yells at her dog.
That boyfriend wouldn’t be my boyfriend; that boyfriend wouldn’t be allowed in my house; that boyfriend wouldn’t be allowed on or in my bed; and that boyfriend would never, ever have the opportunity to yell at my dog again.
One Quora user delves deeper into the OP's issue.
I read your other questions, Rachel. As I understand this, you two have been together for five months, and you're pregnant.
You want the pregnancy but are having second thoughts about him. If this pregnancy continues and you successfully have a baby, he is going to be in your life for the rest of your life, one way or another.
He is demanding that you marry him.
You can't do anything to change him; you can only change your situation. You get new keys to your house, tell your friends and family, and dump the “boyfriend.”
Block and mute him on your phone and social media. Get therapy and take a break before you get a new boyfriend.
It's sad that you put up with his yelling and screaming unquestioningly until he did it to your dog. You don't want another like him, so find out why you put up with him as long as you did and how to possibly avoid a repeat.
Get your life figured out. If you keep the baby, you are going to need child support from him.
If you plan for adoption, in many states, you will need his permission to do so, something that the “adoption is an option” people conveniently ignore. Does he know, or have you told him you’re pregnant?
If you haven't told him, don't. Get yourself away from him as far as you can.
It's better to live by yourself than with someone who is one moment from being a batterer. After all, if he's yelling at your dog for being on your bed with your permission, what is he going to do to you when you disobey him in a no-win situation, or with a baby?
Rehoming the BF is the best course of action.
Sounds like it’s time to rehome your boyfriend. The dog is fine.
This also matches the girlfriend forced to choose between her boyfriend and her sometimes aggressive dog.
Going single again would be an excellent decision.
I would be single. I don’t give a damn who you are; you do NOT come into MY home and abuse MY pets.
My animals have always been my family.
The OP needs to do herself a favor and leave the guy.
I wonder what qualities your boyfriend has that keep you bonded to him. Can’t you see that he is an immature and self-centered soul who wants to be in charge of everything?
His yelling and screaming should show you that he has no self-control. And yelling at your dog?
That would be the final nail in the coffin for that relationship as far as I’m concerned. Give this loser the boot.
You can do MUCH better.
Her house, her rules.
Well, first of all, I will be assuming that the boyfriend is a guest, just visiting your home. He doesn’t live there permanently.
Is this shouting at your dog regular behavior on his part, or was it a one-off situation?
If it was a one-off situation, it’s not good behavior. It’s a red flag that if he is having a bad time, he is likely to blow up, shout, and yell.
If it is a regular occurrence, well, there is a whole forest of red flags waving at you.
One day it won’t be your dog he is yelling and screaming at; it will be you.
One time, watch him. Consider letting him go shout at someone else.
If it is regular behavior, he should be shown the door never to darken your threshold again. You would be better off without him.
Possibly even safer without him.
He is showing you a side of him that is not good.
First, he is impolite. It is your house.
Your bedroom. Your dog. He is a guest.
Yes, a guest with some special importance to you, but nevertheless a guest.
Your home. Your rules.
Until he learns to behave like a guest, I would consider not letting him in your house. Meet him elsewhere; say goodbye at your front door if you wish. But as far as letting him near your bedroom, not on your Nelly! That puppy needs to learn manners first. If you don’t give him what he wants, he’ll either learn manners or take off somewhere else.
You might lose an aggressive baby boyfriend, but you would be doing yourself a favor.
Learn from the mistake of calling him your boyfriend. He is a boy you happen to know. Look elsewhere for someone with a cooler head who respects you and your rules in your own home, and keep them out of your bedroom until you know what they are like. You don’t know where they have been putting their bits.
Thanks for reading.
All the best.
His yelling is bound to escalate. The OP doesn't need to wait for that to happen.
Dump his a**. He's showing you the kind of person he is.
Right then it was the dog; later it could be you. If you have a kid with him and keep him in your life, it could later be the kid he does that to.
Eventually, it could even escalate beyond yelling into physical violence too.
That behavior is a giant red flag.
Right when the dog gets comfy on the bed, her boyfriend flips from annoyed to screaming, and the whole vibe instantly changes.
She keeps letting the dog stay, but every time he yells, it sends the message that her boundaries are optional.
That’s when commenters start calling it what it is, an abuser behavior pattern, not “just” a cranky boyfriend moment.
And then one user lays it out plainly, he wouldn’t be allowed in her house, on her bed, or anywhere near the dog again.
The OP has received her answer: she needs to break up with her boyfriend. To ensure safety, she can begin by arranging to move her dog first, seeking assistance from people she knows.
Once she finds a new place and gets settled, she can retrieve the dog, and they can leave peacefully. Then, she can finally enjoy the cuddly warmth of her dog in their bed.
The boyfriend might be “the boyfriend,” but the dog is the one who gets to sleep in peace.
Then read how she discovered her boyfriend secretly hurting her dog, and questioned her choice.
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